Science Humor Quotes

Science Humor Quote of the day

Philosophy of science is about as useful to scientists as ornithology is to birds.

Nothing in the universe can travel at the speed of light, they say, forgetful of the shadow's speed.

Civilization exists by geological consent, subject to change without notice.

It is harder to crack prejudice than an atom.

Time is a drug. Too much of it kills you.

Sadly, my socks are like snowflakes, no two are exactly alike.

Never memorize something that you can look up.

the table of elements does not contain one of the most powerful elements that make up our world, and that is the element of surprise.

The downside of my celebrity is that I cannot go anywhere in the world without being recognized. It is not enough for me to wear dark sunglasses and a wig. The wheelchair gives me away.

Every intelligent being, whether it breathes or not, coughs nervously at some time in its life.

Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't that a big enough majority in any town?

All killer whales are named Kevin. You knew that, right?

For someone who'e smarter than a supercomputer, sometimes you're a real idiot.

To mistrust science and deny the validity of the scientific method is to resign your job as a human. You'd better go look for work as a plant or wild animal.

The only bit of logic-based public bathroom humor I know is: the difference between men and women is that between the statement [P and not Q] and the statement [Q and not P].

And if humanity is the last war, then I am the battlefield.

As we all know, blinking lights means science.

Scientists need to invent a way to make DNA work like in cartoons.

Down there between our legs, it's like an entertainment complex in the middle of a sewage system. Who designed that?

The simplest strategy for bouts of noxious flatus is to not care. Or perhaps to take advantage of a gastroenterologist I know: get a dog. (To blame.)

Gravity disappears again, and we rise up off the floor like spooks from a grave. It's like the Rapture in here every thirty seconds.

I am one of the unpraised, unrewarded millions without whom Statistics would be a bankrupt science. It is we who are born, who marry, who die, in constant ratios.

But what about the End of the Universe? We'll miss the big moment."I've seen it. It's rubbish, " said Zaphod, "nothing but a gnab gib."A what?"Opposite of a big bang. Come on, let's get zappy.

A towel is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have.

Space is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist's, but that's just peanuts to space.

If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have on your hands is a non-working cat.

I think we have different value systems." —Arthur"Well mine's better." —Ford

To talk of diseases is a sort of Arabian Nights entertainment.

I said that I had heard curiosity could be harmful, in particular to cats

Everything is what it is because it got that way.

Science is a satisfactory curiosity.

Did I see them waving?' said Mrs Liberty'And particling, I shouldn't wonder' said the Alderman

Yes, you are a battery.

War created the conditions for great advances in technology...without war men would not traverse oceans in hours, travel in space, or microwave popcorn.

Let's go commit senseless acts of science.

But it's the science of the stars!""She thinks it's Satanic. You gave her daughter a pentagram.""It's a natal chart, duh. You can't let ignorance trump science here, Miss Mary!

I have done so much medical and scientific research Crashing Life I am thinking about putting PhD behind my name or maybe B.S.

If I can't have your babies, I'll damn sure deliver them!

Meteorites don’t fall on the Earth. They fall on the Sun and the Earth gets in the way.” - John W. Campbell

The outgroup is rocks.

Ask Gandhi, and eye for an eye makes us both blind.....ask an engineer, and the numbers don't lie - the first to strike wins.

We all know that scientific words need an obscure classical origin to make them sound impressvie to those who wouldn't know an idiopathic craniofacial erythema if it hit them in the face.

Just because 2 billion people believe it, doesn't mean it's true.

if you have returned in my life then either its a deception or its a dream...from now no nightmares onwards

if you have returned then either its a deception or its a dream...from now no nightmares onwards.

Life is better with a partner.

If that king was unsuitable in his service and duty...then his place will never be vacant and a foot soldier will lead the way though he remains nameless

But, I tell myself, Weight is just an artifact of gravity. If this were a jazz club on the moon, I would weigh less.

From an illustration in her "Animals of a Bygone Era": a Leptictidium, an extinct rabbit-like animal who left no descendants, says: "Too bad, because we were really cute.

If no one ever deviated from currently accepted mainstream Science - we would still have the Flat Earth Society!