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Humourous Quote of the day
Went to get coffee today-opened my change purse. Sea shells fell out. Barista goes "Sorry, we only take cash or credit." So there's that.
Ever Tried. Ever Failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.
Men from children nothing differ.
What we’ve got here is a lunatic genius ghost-in-the-computer monorail that likes riddles and goes faster than the speed of sound. Welcome to the fantasy version of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.
There are some things you just don't say...not even in a school!
Special Post-Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: "Eating Crow" This year, it just tastes like Seahawk.
Men like to borrow kisses because they know they will have to pay them back.
Fat men take a cushion with them wherever they go.
Anything can happen in love, war and South Inidan movies.
Yesterday I bought myself a new, very sharp kitchen knife.And I managed to cut my finger within 5 minutes of getting home!Those plastic packages are bloody dangerous!!!
Never worry about what you say to a man. They're so conceited that they never believe you mean it if it's unflattering.”-Caroline to Ursual.
The only way to see everything, my dear, is to see it absolutely.
True friends chop the onions and cry together.
One can hardly do anything productive when one knows there is cake in the fridge.
I've nothing against people. Just a***oles. But then, most people are.
Special Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: "Patriot Act" In theater and football, it's the last act before it's curtains for Seahawks opponents.
What did the soup say to the tea plate? "You're too shallow for me. I like deep dish to dip right into!" I still keep my British humour in good taste. No room for egos or rumours.
There is nothing more American than buying a Japanese car on the 4th of July
He’d reached that perilous stage of being drunk enough to think himself a good dancer… but was dangerously close in tipping over to the point where he’d act like an arse
I've had quite enough danger for a while I think. I might have some more when I'm thirteen, but definitely not before then...
...food was at least three million per cent more delicious when you ate it immediately after thinking you were going to die.
I believe in the 20/80 rule. That's where working an extra 20% faster, harder, or smarter gets you an extra 80% of the rewards.
Honestly I don't know why i have these parties""Because of your cat""That's true. Chairman Meow deserves my every effort
Never say no to now
Patrick Kenzie asking a bemused waitress for a newspaper in smalltown USA. 'It’s like a homepage without a scroll button?
People can't really sympathize with you properly when you've woken them up
I do not want to sound cynical or condescending, but your lips are moving, your mind unbending.
The decker these ***holes brought with them is top tier, but I'm going to stomp his jelly beans so hard his kids will be born crooked.
There's nothing like a headless corpse to bring a touch of excitement into one's life.
Many feel that writers are a dime a dozen, so the goal is to break through and make it to the value of a penny.
Just like you silly bums, I have a personal sky god. I bow to him, as you do to your airy-fairy sod. He prefers I call him Mr. NOT.
Jihadis! Please go to your imaginary heaven - out there, nowhere. Us, the infidel lot, have helluva lot to do after you leave. Out here.
We're famous" iggy whispered so low that Fang could barely hear him."So's Swine Flu" Fang whispered back.
So, am I too, like all other humans, just a rogue? Sure! Just a notch less than those rascals wearing godly robes.
Words can be meaningless. If they are used in such a way that no sharp conclusions can be drawn.
You can't draw lines in the sand like that. Humour's a tsunami that doesn't care about your little lines.
Don't ask for a girl's hand in marriage and forget to ask for her leg too.
I think I’ll give the Cage of Death a miss too, ” I said. Crocodiles were fascinating creatures, like living dinosaurs, but they could do their living over there somewhere, far away from me.
Most people are scumbags. Accept it. Let go. Chill out, douchebags.
Of course I love you. For real. I will sure come and personally meet you myself. Just to make sure you're well. When is your funeral?
You are not a murderer. I find it difficult to think of that as a personality flaw.
If men could be bought like clothes at an outlet, only then would women always get what they bargained for.
Children throw tantrums because they've imagined their 'father in heaven' does so. And because, their inherited religious book has, in written, shown them so.
Monkeying around with other apes, a monkey was made - called, HUMAN. God is great!
Whenever I wish to pay my respect to you, my middle finger says, it must first.
I wish you well - if you will die. May you rest in peace.
I never knew, apes talk. Apparently, you do.
Help yourself with the state! It's on democracy!
If I were married, I would be unmarried.
Life is what you make it. Unless some guy finds you with his girl. Then the ball's pretty much in his court.