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Humourous Quotes

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Humourous Quotes: "Men like to borrow kisses because they know they will have to pay them back."

Men like to borrow kisses because they know they will have to pay them back.



Humourous Quotes: "If men could be bought like clothes at an outlet, only then would women always get what they bargained for."

If men could be bought like clothes at an outlet, only then would women always get what they bargained for.




Humourous Quotes: "I think I’ll give the Cage of Death a miss too, ” I said. Crocodiles were fascinating creatures, like living dinosaurs, but they could do their living over there somewhere, far away from me."

I think I’ll give the Cage of Death a miss too, ” I said. Crocodiles were fascinating creatures, like living dinosaurs, but they could do their living over there somewhere, far away from me.



Humourous Quotes: "The innocent little girl said at the end of her prayer "Jesus, please take care of yourself because if anything happens to you, we are all in trouble"

The innocent little girl said at the end of her prayer "Jesus, please take care of yourself because if anything happens to you, we are all in trouble




Humourous Quotes: "One can hardly do anything productive when one knows there is cake in the fridge."

One can hardly do anything productive when one knows there is cake in the fridge.



Humourous Quotes: "While you’re singing something romantic, I can’t get the lyrics to ‘Love and Marriage’ out of my head, and that tune always reminds me of the jingle from Jeopardy."

While you’re singing something romantic, I can’t get the lyrics to ‘Love and Marriage’ out of my head, and that tune always reminds me of the jingle from Jeopardy.



Humourous Quotes: "All humans are rogues. Cured only by death."

All humans are rogues. Cured only by death.




Humourous Quotes: "When in a frying pan, thank your stars. You will reminisce about it moments later, when you fall in the fire."

When in a frying pan, thank your stars. You will reminisce about it moments later, when you fall in the fire.



Humourous Quotes: "True friends chop the onions and cry together."

True friends chop the onions and cry together.



Humourous Quotes: "No one is actually dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away..."

No one is actually dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away...



Humourous Quotes: "...they say [Finn] has tasted the Nuts of Wisdom." Elatha laughed. "Perhaps the Nuts of Wisdom will gird him against your sister."

...they say [Finn] has tasted the Nuts of Wisdom." Elatha laughed. "Perhaps the Nuts of Wisdom will gird him against your sister.



Humourous Quotes: "Just like you silly bums, I have a personal sky god. I bow to him, as you do to your airy-fairy sod. He prefers I call him Mr. NOT."

Just like you silly bums, I have a personal sky god. I bow to him, as you do to your airy-fairy sod. He prefers I call him Mr. NOT.




Humourous Quotes: "Fat men take a cushion with them wherever they go."

Fat men take a cushion with them wherever they go.



Humourous Quotes: "People can't really sympathize with you properly when you've woken them up"

People can't really sympathize with you properly when you've woken them up



Humourous Quotes: "Dark is dark in the darkness."

Dark is dark in the darkness.



Humourous Quotes: "Just because I am paranoid does not mean that someone is not out to get me"

Just because I am paranoid does not mean that someone is not out to get me



Humourous Quotes: "I believe in the 20/80 rule. That's where working an extra 20% faster, harder, or smarter gets you an extra 80% of the rewards."

I believe in the 20/80 rule. That's where working an extra 20% faster, harder, or smarter gets you an extra 80% of the rewards.



Humourous Quotes: "Never worry about what you say to a man. They're so conceited that they never believe you mean it if it's unflattering.”-Caroline to Ursual."

Never worry about what you say to a man. They're so conceited that they never believe you mean it if it's unflattering.”-Caroline to Ursual.



Humourous Quotes: "I love you silly 'holy' book. Here's hoping everybody un-reads it."

I love you silly 'holy' book. Here's hoping everybody un-reads it.



Humourous Quotes: "Life is easy. Just stay un-dead."

Life is easy. Just stay un-dead.



Humourous Quotes: "So, am I too, like all other humans, just a rogue? Sure! Just a notch less than those rascals wearing godly robes."

So, am I too, like all other humans, just a rogue? Sure! Just a notch less than those rascals wearing godly robes.



Humourous Quotes: "I've nothing against people. Just a***oles. But then, most people are."

I've nothing against people. Just a***oles. But then, most people are.



Humourous Quotes: "I love religious nuts. They make me remember I have them too. So, being a health nut, I scratch them religiously. Just as I do my butt."

I love religious nuts. They make me remember I have them too. So, being a health nut, I scratch them religiously. Just as I do my butt.



Humourous Quotes: "Life is what you make it. Unless some guy finds you with his girl. Then the ball's pretty much in his court."

Life is what you make it. Unless some guy finds you with his girl. Then the ball's pretty much in his court.



Humourous Quotes: "Who's possessing who now, Casper?"

Who's possessing who now, Casper?



Humourous Quotes: "I get this buzz every time I'm quoted online. The ego high... yes... but also a Google Alert."

I get this buzz every time I'm quoted online. The ego high... yes... but also a Google Alert.



Humourous Quotes: "He’d reached that perilous stage of being drunk enough to think himself a good dancer… but was dangerously close in tipping over to the point where he’d act like an arse"

He’d reached that perilous stage of being drunk enough to think himself a good dancer… but was dangerously close in tipping over to the point where he’d act like an arse



Humourous Quotes: "Maybe curiosity did kill your cat. But it wouldn't hurt to keep an eye on the neighbor's rottweiler just the same."

Maybe curiosity did kill your cat. But it wouldn't hurt to keep an eye on the neighbor's rottweiler just the same.



Humourous Quotes: "Yesterday I bought myself a new, very sharp kitchen knife.And I managed to cut my finger within 5 minutes of getting home!Those plastic packages are bloody dangerous!!!"

Yesterday I bought myself a new, very sharp kitchen knife.And I managed to cut my finger within 5 minutes of getting home!Those plastic packages are bloody dangerous!!!



Humourous Quotes: "Help yourself with the state! It's on democracy!"

Help yourself with the state! It's on democracy!



Humourous Quotes: "To whomever swapped my tattoo cream for toothpaste........ well played."

To whomever swapped my tattoo cream for toothpaste........ well played.



Humourous Quotes: "What did the soup say to the tea plate? "You're too shallow for me. I like deep dish to dip right into!" I still keep my British humour in good taste. No room for egos or rumours."

What did the soup say to the tea plate? "You're too shallow for me. I like deep dish to dip right into!" I still keep my British humour in good taste. No room for egos or rumours.



Humourous Quotes: "Had a cold hummus with pita bread, Under a delicious food, yellow or red. Might just have the appetite to cook Urgent dinner by hook or crook.So that's just a humus humor spread."

Had a cold hummus with pita bread, Under a delicious food, yellow or red. Might just have the appetite to cook Urgent dinner by hook or crook.So that's just a humus humor spread.