Humorous Quotes
Ladies glisten, men perspire, horses sweat.-Early Nun Quote, The Old Ursuline Convent (1727) New Orleans, LA
Halt! We are attempting an arrest!”“Yeah, we’re aware, ” Quinn muttered under her breath.
There are certainly a good number of alternatives to "shit, " if you have a particular need to express such a feeling.
I still believe this Life is a good joke. And if you treat it that way, you will never stop laughing.
To do what is right can be a dirty messy business" S. R. Tabone. Made it up for my Godfifa novel.
So much for a great opening speech, that sucker done tucked tail and is hiding in the deepest part of my brain, sucking its thumb.
What is serious in laughing, worrying, grieving, mourning, concerning about anything which is temporary? Well, it is funny, actually, when you know life isn't immortal.
I do, " Ellie said, then groaned inwardly. Those were the words that had put her in this position in the first place.
You've got an answer for everything... It's one of the side effects of being right all the time.
She wanted to run her hands over him as he whispered the impassioned corollaries of non-Euclidean geometry.
Ah, but you must have a Christmas uncomplicated by murder.
There's no romance in geometry, " Lindsey answered. "Just you wait.
There are worse things than eating the dead, my dear fellow. Far worse things. There is, for instance, making a huge profit out of their funeral, which is the normal custom in the civilized world.
If at first you don't succeed, try again.If you still don't succeed, blame someone else.
What happens, " called out Max, "if you win?""We die anyway, but I become legend" I explained
The stark evening sun at the far edge of the town had just unzipped the sky and finally gone down.
Someone threw a cabbage at William Howard Taft. That didn't bother Taft. He quipped, "I see that one of my adversaries has lost his head.
This was the kack’s cradle, icky-poo’s bassinet. It was Death and Diarrhea, singing duet.
Life is like a fondue: the best fruit ain’t the best till it’s been through some goo.
Of all the skills necessary for her work, what she was perhaps worst at was being polite to inanimate things.
The person who thinks dogs can't talk doesn't want to learn a second language.
He had spoken with such absolute confidence that I knew he had to be blowing this out of his rectal orifice.
I fail to see how turning the subject over like compost can do anything except raise its stink.
Yesterday is a pile of rubble. Today is a pile of opportunity. Life takes a new dump each morning
I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick, twisted, eerie, godless, evil stuff… and I want in..
It's hard to tread lightly when you continue to accumulate.
I fink it is a femuw. A femuw of a winowcowus... A a-stinct winocowus.
A scientist does not have hope, sir. Hope is what a man has in the absence of answers, and once he does empirical experimentation, he replaces hope with knowledge and disappointment.
Much as he detested Filch, Harry couldn't help feeling a bit sorry for him, though not nearly as sorry as he felt for himself.
Before her birth was she an idea? Before her birth was she dead? And after her birth she would die? What a thin slice of watermelon.
People ask me where I got my x-ray powers. I inherited them from my parents in parental supervision. Erase the dots and your doubts if you think that I was 'raysed' alone.
Girls, now, they wear leggings. As pants. It's embarrassing. Just parading their coochies around town.
If you're preaching, I've already got religion. And if you're selling, I ain't buying--unless you've got binoculars. I could use some new binoculars.