Humorous Quotes
I have my welcome mat turned around backwards so when people leave they think they’re going to a better place.
Three eggs two slices of toast a cup of coffee an episode of Mr. Ed. A Violin and a bowl of fruit what else does a man need?
A word to the wise an't nesisary its the stupid ones who need the edvise.
You’ll be dethroned faster than a coke snorting beauty queen.
The news that Daisy Miller was surrounded by half a dozen wonderful mustaches checked Winterbourne's impulse to go straightway to see her.
wear flannel next to your skin, and never believe in eternal punishment.
Livvy and me together in an elevator for four hours..and we're good. To some eyes the fact that we're both alive could be viewed as a minor miracle.
You know I hate to chase. I'm only here to talk, but if you run, I'll have to chase and we both know where that usually ends up.
Renee: “Trout, get your mind out of the gutter.”Trout: “Can’t help it—it’s attached to my body.
Hope was like frogs praying for wings so they didn't bump their asses when they hopped
I bet that dog-walking trollop called the cops on us. - Esme from Sister Mischief
Well, Ben says you have to be married to get a girl pregnant. And me and Cindy are not married, so she couldn't get pregnant, see?
Character and Plot...Character and PlotSome writers have it and some do notThis I'll tell you BrotherYou can't have one without the other
Unfortunately...I missed out on the California Gold Rush a century before...I'll be dammed if I miss out on this one.
Writers cleave together like a demonic AA group - we are singularly able to dance with each other's devils...
There shouldn't ever be a gas shortage in our world...when so many people are full of it!
The reason politics makes strange bedfellows is because they all like the same bunk.
Lara Jean, why do you have to remember every little thing? It's not healthy.
I am in the prime of my womanhood, nunga-nungas poised and trembling (attractively). Lips puckered up and in peak condition for a snogging fest.
Sophronia felt bound to object. "I, for one, should prefer not to shoot at someone I like.""Admirable scruples, Miss Temminnick. Get over them. For you will do it anyway.
Or should I say that he is like the hand that is able to scratch your itchy parts with the perfect amount of strength!
Every time you smoke a cigarette, God takes an hour off your life and gives it to Keith Richards
I feel sorry for Rick Astley, one day he is going to die and nobody will know about it for weeks because nobody will want to click the link.
In the beginning was the word, and that word was probably misconstrued by someone who then made it into a personal issue and started a fight causing people to be miserable
The older you get, the harder it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat have become super good friends.
He walked over to where the three were standing. “I see all the beauty is on this side of the room.” Viktoria gave a wicked grin. “Well, it was.
I'm trying to think but nothing happens. ~ Curlie. That feeling I get with writer's block!
Miss Green can call a turd a rose if she wants, but that don't mean people's going to be lining up to smell it.
A friend once told me "Michael, if you were a villain, you'd be the Joker, " to which I replied, "no, dear friend - if the Joker were a villain, he'd be ME.
Oh my God, is it a bear?” Ian’s yell from across the camp made Snow stop. Then he choked as laughter spilled from his throat. “It’s not a bear, Ian, ” Rowe yelled. “It’s just Snow. Gettin’ some.
When your novel first peeks its head into the world, it will look pretty much like every newborn: blotchy, hairless, and utterly confused.
Jesus, Mary and Joseph, isn't war the most demented activity ever invented?
You always do good ones. We trust you, Mr. Duke, " Says Dylan. Foolish lads, thinks Felix: never trust a professional ham.
I know, I know. I rescued him and he’s bonded to me like a baby duck.