Humorous Quotes

Opera?" Trelon asked tiredly, "What the hell is opera?" "I'll tell you what it is! It is the screeching of the death birds, that 's what it is!Capturing Cara (Dragon Lords of Valdier, #2)

Interviewer: "What's the best thing you've learned on Idol?"Dalton Rapattoni: "Double-tie your shoelaces.

It sounded somewhat doom-laden, so I felt obliged to look it up more thoroughly, in case I should eat some chocolate rather quickly.

When life gives you lemons, the best thing to do is make orange juice and let the rest of the world stand back and wonder how you did it." -Unknown

don't know what demi means but i'm not feeling to godly you guys feeling godly?

With great power, comes a great need to nap.

There are things in life worth dying for. Toothpaste isn't one of them.

You don’t hear what I hear.

Stupid entropy ruins everything.

Thus, hanging around in our towels (and those weird disposable underpants) was no big deal.

Bloated software causes IT stress farts.

If only they gave all unsolved crime cases television air time, they could be solved within an hour.

If only they gave all unsolved crime cases television air time, they could be solved within an hour on one of those crime story shows.

I let loose a guttural roar-the cry of a man who has been deprived of his rightful kibbeh. I drew my sword and smacked the eagle with flat of the blade

Don't waste water on washing your shirt, use photoshop!

Turren blinked and then smiled from ear to ear. “What makes a pure soul extra purer?”“I don’t know, ” Sebastian said. “I didn’t eat anything weird today.

If I'll be funnier than this, I'll become a joke.

See, that's the problem with putting too much stock in the old days. You remember all the GOOD stuff, but you forget about the time you got spanked by your best friend's mom.

Sometimes I think the world has gone completely mad. And then I think, "Aw, who cares?" And then I think, "Hey, what's for supper?

Heavens, no, " Wax said. "If I approved of half the thngs Wayne does, Harmony would probably strike me on the spot.

Machines can't lie, " I said, lying through my circuits.

Yet sometimes you just have to sprinkle a dash of sugar on the spoonful of pride and swallow it with a humility chaser.

Nice try, mister, but being cute won't save you.

Give a man a beer, the remote and a La-Z-Boy and he’s a happy camper! All Things Caveman humor cartoon book will help you understand that hairy guy beside you.

A knee to the balls from a car full of clowns would have been less awkward than the look he was receiving from the whiskey-eyed angel.

Life is too short to spend on a book you don't enjoy.

Briar stood, pushing up her sleeves. 'It's about to get all nonfiction in here'.

If I wasn't a devil myself I'd give Me up to the Devil this very minute.

The obvious matters are more imperceptible today.

I may just be on the outskirts of being okay.

It’s not the obviousness or the complexity of the things that’s deftly deluding mankind. It’s man himself.

Owning a drone does not a pilot make.

Of course I'm jealous. I thought I was going to get to punch him. That isn't the point.

He bowed over her hand and kissed the knuckles. He'd never despised a glove more in his life.

Monthly, out of common courtesy, he went to inquire after the invalid Charles, who refused either to die or get better.

There is no point in housing troubles inside your underwear if you can’t solve them by yourself.

Is that the biggest favor your vocal cords have done to anyone this week?

I really want to punch you right now. Maybe even break your nose.” She rolled her eyes upward, seeking calm. “But I won’t because I like this dress.

I could say how well he dances, but that isn't true, for he dances like that big friendly bear I saw last Christmas.

You never know what you will find in your pants!

When the deputies asked me if I needed anything, I told them I could use a cigarette. I don't smoke but it seemed like the thing someone handcuffed in the back seat of a police car should say.

The only person who worries about my mother is God, and that's only because she wants His job.

Write. Write write write write WRITE. Write. Now.(This is an inspirational writing quote.)

He has been mad for you these many months, ever since you prodded him in the nether regions with a hedgehog.

Great, Alexia thought, I have gone from soul sucker to electrical ground. The epithets just get sweeter and sweeter.

I love round tables, " said Magnus brightly. "They suit me so much better than square.

Whoa... don't go freaking out on me yet, " he says with a smile, a smile I'm starting to have a real like and hate relationship with.

I only need half my wits to be a match for you.

Happiness is a redhead without a temper.

...Here, beast, you shall be the chairman, and mind you call us to order." He leaned forward and dropped the cat on the empty seat.