Humor Quotes

Stephanie, I'm begging you. Eat some doughnuts. I can't keep going like this." - Morelli

Humor and paradox are often the only ways to respond to life's sorrow with grace.

Here's to another year and let's hope it's above ground.

There are essentially three types of people: those who love life more than they fear it, those who fear life more than they love it, and those who have no clue what I'm talking about.

No person of quality ever remembers social restrictions save when considering how most piquantly to break them.

A thief is one who insists on sharing his victimhood.

Just because I'm no jaw clacker doesn't mean there should be a ruction put up whenever I have sommat to say.

All you have to do, I tell myself, is keep your mouth shut and look stupid. It shouldn't be that hard.

The Bible talks about building houses on sand and rock, but says nothing about a brick house built on a blanket.

Parents. Honestly. Sometimes they really do think the world revolves around them.

One of the Christian's biggest fears is appearing 'too Christian'. God forbid, because that's often characterized as god-awful! We want to be one, but without being 'one of them'.

The severest test of character is not so much the ability to keep a secret as it is, when the secret is finally out, to refrain from disclosing that you knew it all along.

In my opinion, too much attention to weather makes for instability of character.

Why write a song when no one can play the notes or understand the lyrics?

Ask any comedian, tennis player, chef. Timing is everything.

L shot Maki a disappointed look. But soon he forgot everything when Misa Amane appeared onstage. Enraptured he began to cheer with the girls in black lace and frilly skirts.

Fiction wouldn't be much fun without its fair share of scoundrels, and they have to live somewhere.

I MAY HAVE ALLOWED MYSELF SOME FLICKER OF EMOTION IN THE RECENT PAST, said Death, BUT I CAN GIVE IT UP ANY TIME I LIKE.

Children in the abstract, had never appealed to me. They seemed to be loud creatures, often dripping some form of goo.

Don't you make fun of me or my children! Some babies are premature. Mine were all postmature. That's why they're so smart. Their brains had longer to develop.

[I] don't think I was trying to kill myself. I just wanted to hurt, and understand exactly whay I was hurting. This made sense: you cut, you felt pain, period.

A century ago, people laughed at the notion that we were descended from monkeys. Today, the individuals most offended by that claim are the monkeys.

Or -- and this she knew was a far more accurate way of looking at it -- the book was true and reality was lying.

Plus as she put it, Prince Eric was far too hairy and peach colored for her taste. I always thought he was pretty hott, but then again, I am a mammal.

Cats can do whatever they want, whenever they want, without regard to what anyone says or does. Rather like Princesses.

I don't use a crap camera, I don't eat junk, and I'm not going to a dance where the boys are bores

I don't have your way with words "Sin said. "So I'm just going to go with a quick response. Ha

Of course it was a terrible thing, and the world would be a much better place without someone in it who could do that, but did that mean we had to miss lunch?

Preston, I don't think this creature could ever find its way into your head. Quite apart from anything else, it seems pretty crowded and complicated to me.

Let me get this straight. you want me to go stomping through a graveyard brandishing a bottle of booze to rouse an unrestful spirit so that I can interrogate him?" - Cat to Bones

I stared. "Canadian Satanists? You're sending me to a group of Canadian Satanists?

You can't force folks to have good sense, even if they're family. Maybe especially then.

Sometimes, though, you have to do things for family, even if you'd rather not.

You rented the apartment with a dead guy in the corner?” I shrugged. “I wanted the apartment, and I figured I could cover him up with a bookcase or something.

You'd tell the world what your best friend wore to sleep if you thought it made a good enough story.

Only a person with the true heart of a dictionary-writer would be lying in bed, three days after being stabbed in the gut, worrying about his P's.

That's good. And speaking of spelling, tell me -- do you wrap your head in a towel after you shower?

Humanity's a nice place to visit, but you wouldn't want to live there.

Sylvie had an amazing life, but she didn't get to live it very often.

There wasn't a colloquial phrase, or curse, that went something like, "May your day be full of angry dragons" or, "May every dragon you meet today be pissed off." But, there should have been.

Struck by lightning! Struck by lightning!

If the president and the Vice President dies who becomes President" "Thats easy Arnold Swartzanager

My father always said that government is like watching another man piss in your boot. Someone feels better but it certainly isn't you.

The Lone Ranger of vampires. Did that make me Tonto?

Sarcasm, as it turned out--even when it was instinctive and quick--cut into the time one had to manufacture one's escape.

Cery: So, Hem, tell me why I shouldn't see how many holes I need to make before you start leaking money?

No hard feelings about that time in the Crucible when you mixed my salts and I was nearly blind for a day. No. No, really, drink up!

It takes real planning to organize this kind of chaos.

Even bipolar vampires needed sleep from time to time, and he was well past his recommended safe dosage of stress.

When did you suddenly become Mister Maturity?