Humor Quotes
Conscience is like a pet: If you spoil it by too much attention it'll start yipping at the most inopportune times.
Never give in to peer pressure, especially if the peer is not attractive.
So it happened at last: I was about to become a thief, a cheap milk-stealer. Here was your lash-in-the-pen genius, your one story-writer: a thief.
I never gossip. I observe. And then relay my observations to practically everyone.
A hotel room all to myself is my idea of a good time.
Horseman. I know you were born back when women were thought of as little more than brood mares and slaves, but it's the twenty-first century, and we can do anything a man does.
Perhaps the difference between a professor and a bus driver is that the professor can say stupid things with complete authority while the bus driver is not authorized to make brilliant insights.
Man who hates cats is insecure, but a man who likes them is one worth keeping. If he can appreciate a cat, he can appreciate a strong, independent woman.
Well if manners maketh man make-up maketh woman.And we don't need a phalanx of behavioural scientists to explain why man judge women by their looks.Because the see bether than thay think.
The brains of members of the Press departments of motion-picture studios resemble soup at a cheap restaurant. It is wiser not to stir them.
I guess the sacrifice of my dignity is the only thing that will save us now. The things I endure for love. The Fates laugh at my torment.
I do not believe in democracy, but I am perfectly willing to admit that it provides the only really amusing form of government ever endured by mankind.
The other raised his club and attacked L, who inexpliciably fell over on his back like an overturned frog.
Disappointment came to me, and booted me, and bruised and hurt me, but that's how people grow up.
This I know for a fact: the reason African women have children is so that there's someone else to do the housework.
I can talk for a long time only when it's about something boring.
She doesn't understand that a writer is a special creature--that I'm different from everyone else. I'm not saying I'm superior to other people, just more sensitive, I guess.
Yeah, Quirrell was a great teacher. There was just that minor drawback of him having Lord Voldemort sticking out of the back of his head!
People, generally, suck.
![Humor Quotes: "[She] lost her patience, a thing she was all too prone to misplacing."](https://www.quoteslyfe.com/images/collection3/quotations192/She-lost-her-patience-a-thing-she-192931.jpg)
Sometimes the sins you haven't committed are all you have left to hold onto.
I've always said that idleness dulls the spirit. We have to keep the brain busy, or at least the hands if we don't have a brain.
Inhumanity, n. One of the signal and characteristic qualities of humanity.
I love sleep. I need sleep. We all do, of course. There are those people that don't need sleep. I think they're called 'successful.
GRAPESHOT, n. An argument which the future is preparing in answer to the demands of American Socialism.
Don't talk for five minutes, there's a good chap! I've a strange feeling come over me--almost as if I were going to think!
I can't give you the white picket fence, and if I did, you'd set it on fire.
And in my mind, this settles the issue. I would never drink cologne, and am therefore not an alcoholic.
I am a wizard, not a baboon brandishing a stick.
...quantum mechanics—the physics of our world—requires that you hold such pedestrian complaints in abeyance.
The story of how I left Huckleberry begins -- as do all worthy stories -- with a goat
Well sure, who doesn't need a boyfriend? but realistically, those exotic creatures are hard to come by. At least a quality one.
I do not know what it was about that boy but just looking at him, even I wanted to clout him on the head. It was a head that invited violence.
