Humor Quotes
No adolescent ever wants to be understood, which is why they complain about being misunderstood all the time.
Being a leader is making the people you love hate you a little more each day.
It costs me never a stab nor squirm / To tread by chance upon a worm. / Aha, my little dear, / I say, Your clan will pay me back one day.
I have a great mind to believe in Christianity for the mere pleasure of fancying I may be damned.
First bubble baths. Now Disney parks. You're shattering every creep vampire myth I've ever heard.
When something needs to be said, you look for a man to say it. But when something needs actually to be done, you look for a woman.
Look. Survey. Inspect. My hair is ruined! I look like a pan of bacon and eggs!
Talking with you is sort of the conversational equivalent of an out of body experience.
I'd never met coffee that wasn't wonderful. It was just a matter of how wonderful it was.
Just as I had long suspected, a person didn't really need math for anything anyway. Maybe some people did. Some limited people.
In the action business, when you don't want to say you ran like a mouse, you call it 'taking cover.' It's more heroic.
It can be exhausting eating a meal cooked by a man. With a woman, it's, Ho hum, pass the beans. A guy, you have to act like he just built the Taj Mahal.
Luck is a woman. She's drawn to those that least deserve her.
By the way, if you get mad at your Mac laptop and wonder who designed this demonic device, notice the manufacturer's icon on top: an apple with a bite out of it.
I love the Olympics, because they enable people from all over the world to come together and--regardless of their political or cultural differences--accuse each other of cheating.
Numerical superiority is of no consequence. In battle, victory will go to the best tactician."- G. A. Custer
They can't tell so much about you if you got your eyes closed.
I’m not superstitious. I’m a witch. Witches aren’t superstitious. We are what people are superstitious of.
Anthony looked down at his evil clutches -- hands, he reminded himself, hands -- and grinned anew.
Specifically, I’d like to debate whether cannibalism ought to be grounds for leniency in murders, since it’s less wasteful.
A succubus on the set. Strike that, the health-conscious kid sister made it two… succubuses. Succubusees? Succubi? Stupid Latin correspondence course.
Why do humans never do as they're told? Someone should replace you all with robots. No, on second though, they shouldn't, bad idea.
See? This is why I'm not religious. I couldn't possibly keep my mouth shut long enough to get along with everyone else.
You know, Freud accepted his lot very stoically and very well and with a sense of humor. He aged and died gracefully, and there's a lot to be said for that.
Whatever else an American believes or disbelieves about himself, he is absolutely sure he has a sense of humor.
Any film which views the darker side of life, which is death with a sense of humor, is very much to my taste.
The sense of humor has other things to do than to make itself conspicuous in the act of laughter.
