Humor Quotes

Comedy Born :) When Tragedy Happens :(

We're better than Galileo. Because he's dead.

Being dead means never having to do anything sneaky.

So why did you want to kiss me?""We're friends aren't we?" Callum shrugged.I relaxed into a smile. "Of course we are.""And if you can't kiss your friends who can you kiss?" Callum smiled.

It was a smile that spelledtrouble. With a promise.

Question: What do you get the man who has everything? Answer: a concious. That guy is so greedy.

If you took everything I’d ever found hot in a girl and piled them into a corner, you’d get Cricket Hunt standing in a corner.

The only way to the top is killing and greed. Okay, I’m kidding. But killing helps.

Publish. Be damned. Repeat.

If you have nothing good to say about someone, write a book about them. - Carmen Fox, Life Motto

Those guards are going to be all sorts of pissed when they find out they've been following a bunny rabbit.

Anything happening, ” she whispered.“Aside from you blundering about like a lost elephant?” he asked, in the same low tone.She nodded, accepting the rebuke. “Aside from that.

You've always said I should have an inquiring mind, " she said. "I have. But not an interrupting one.

Perhaps not, " said Will, who had ears like a bat's. "But I would make a radiant bride.

You want to break the curse, I want to break the curse. We don't need to be nice. We need to be effective. Just help me figure it out, and I'll make you a rich woman.

I spent the afternoon musing on Life. If you come to think of it, what a queer thing Life is! So unlike anything else, don't you know, if you see what I mean.

This existenitalist stuff sure is crap

I Think, Therefore I Am ... I Think ...

I stumbled up the hill back toward the Hab. As I crested the rise, I saw something that made me very happy and something that made me very sad: The Hab was intact (yay!) and the MAV was gone (boo!).

You should be home sleeping. What is the use of having a man in the house, if he cannot take care of you for a while?” “Mmm, ” I said. “I give up. What's the use of having a man in the house?

Yes, " he said sincerely. "Such a one deserves peanut butter on the seat of his pants.

Not kill us, " Pigeon corrected. "She was mainly just trying to turn us into mindless slaves.

You can pipe anything to anything else, and usually it'll do something. With most of the standard Linux tools, it'll even do what you expect.

Daniel: So, how are you?Sophie: Buckling under the weight of a thousand expectations. You?

Masturbating the meaning of life since 1987. #lovewithmeneverdies

How would you like to star in your very own commercial?""I'd rather swim in battery acid.

Nick‘s eyes widened as a total state of befuddled huh possessed him. Was he in theTwilight Zone?

I have never been reduced to begging somebody to leave me alone, but in your case I’ll make an exception.

But, I still can't totally forgive Dave for blowing my world apart. DO YOU HEAR THAT, DAVE?!

Adam mused, “Incorruptus. I never thought anyone would use that word to describe Lynch.” Ronan looked as pleased as a pit viper ever could.

They just want to be part of the moment. A moment that's much larger than them, and even larger than us.

I'm beginning to think that if you're going to have a role model you should probably pick someone who's already dead so they can't disappoint you.

That was when I realised a sad but incontrovertible truth: I was a geek, and there was no getting around it. I could dress in Kate’s clothes, but it didn’t make me Kate.

I don't like to overdose. Call me old-fashioned.

But even Es and cocaine, over the years they blow holes in your brain, rob you of your memories, your past. Which is fair enough, convenient even.

Please note, I am not suggesting that illicit drugs are required to break down social barriers.

What is this thing? Did you make it?”“I am a chemist, aren’t I?” Laurence says.“You own a meth-lab, ” Benjamin says. “That does not qualify you as a chemist.

Captain Vimes believed in logic, in much the same way as a man in a desert believed in ice -- i.e., it was something he really needed, but this just wasn't the world for it.

Chana knows, I wondered sometimes how I raised that child without strangling her. By age six, [Jasnah] was pointing out my logical fallacies as I tried to get her to go to bed on time.

I'm fine, " Kate said. "In fact, since my last two dates were so awful, things can only get better.""Bad deduction, " Jessie said. "If that were true, I'd be dating Harrison Ford by now.

I don't wanna be the joker who makes eyes full of tears in the end

Labor is a man crowning glory.""Not this man's.""I quote Marx"I raised my hands. The pickaxe handle had been rough."I quote blisters.

I say, thirteen is too many dogs for good mental health. Five is pretty much the limit. More than five dogs and you forfeit your right to call yourself entirely sane.Even if the dogs are small.

I confronted the fact that I was not only talking to a dog, but answering for one.

Go on Louis, jump up, ” I’d say every day for the first three months. From the vacant look on his face, I may as well have asked him to solve a Rubik cube puzzle.

Morino: What does the kidnapper do with those things?Yuka: Those things?Morino: You know, the stinky things with four legs that make a lot of

On the steps leading to a doorwas a scrub brush that was blue.I snatched it quick and ran for homebecause it was just the thing to chew.

Watch the book trailer to be released 10/4/16On You Tube / TheFabulousBookwormzillas

Watch the book trailer on You Tube /TheFabulousBookwormzillas

You've got to have, like, a lentil for a soul to hate wiener dogs.