Humor Quotes
Not much more than a broke disgrace who's hooked on tonics, so excuse him if his poker face has puke on it.
You know you are a human when a beautiful image appearing on television/computer/smartphone/tab screen appears more alive than a living being.Basically, we are stupid.
In the moments between bullets, those in foxholes regain their vision. They get to count the dead, feel for holes. Pain creeps through a sluice of calm.
Oh, come on. Drama is just life with the dull bits cut out.”“Well, I’m ready for a long patch of boredom.
Don't be fooled, Clara. No one's new and shiny. Not really.
Chorus of old men: How true the saying: 'Tis impossible to live with the baggages, impossible to live without 'em.
They said her duck recipe and the Chinese music were so dramatic everything else sounded anemic.
And we all know how ladies get minks . . .”Popsy and Sandra chorused the answer together. “The same way minks get minks!
To a man and woman, all of her elderly patients had been surprised to be old - which Avery privately regarded as a serious failure to pay attention.
Longevity is highly over rated.
I was young once and slender and pretty and I made the most of it. It's somebody else's turn now.
Wow. Look at the lines in your face, Missy. It's like your bitterness just dug in and stayed.
I'm over the hill for come-on lines. On a quiet day, I can hear my liver rotting. For exercise, I fall down. ~ Clete
Wearing glasses for reading meant surrendering to old age without the least bit of a fight.
I have to say, old friend, you were supposed to help train her, not drop her off a cliff.
My father helped you with that. . that thing you do?” “Yes. Your father helped me with that peacemaking thing I do that keeps you happily killing for a living.
When your in pain you slowly killing your self but when your happy you are repairing the pain that slowly killing you
He's getting older, " Charles said darkly. "Shall I hit him with my walker or my oxygen tank?
Six wives the King's had now.' Barak's words dragged me from my reverie. 'We can't even get one between us.
Atty’s eyes rested on Darby with all the subtlety of a dog watching his food bowl being filled!
Yeah, Mel! If she shoves you again, smack her in the face!" bellowed Mika.Kira glared at Mika. "I mean, beat her in the race!
The USPS is the only place in the world where you will find a black guy, a white guy, and a hispanic guy playing Filipino poker! And we love it that way!
I advise you to be suspicious of any black American whose family does not claim a blood connection to Native Americans. That’s a clear sign of a racial infiltrator who has not done enough research.
As a general rule. it's a comfort issue, literally and metaphorically. And intimacy issue. It's a big step, putting on foreign underwear. Like betrayal, or emigration.
My wife was saying to me just the other day how she's noticed a spring in my step lately. That was because I thought you were gone forever.' 'I missed you too, Thurid.
She hadn't just drunk the Salvation Kool-Aid - she'd started to brew her own.
Show me a girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and I'll show you a girl who can't put her pants on.-Annik Marchand
Lula, " I said, "do you ever think about getting married?"I guess I do. Doesn't everybody?"You have to let your husband kiss you once you're married. And you have to kiss him
I feel pretty sure I know why the dinosaurs went extinct. They were waiting for Sam to pick out a cell phone case.
Where's Izzy?" cried Alice. "I'm right here!" Izzy was heard, but there was no sight of her floating friend. "Izzy's invisible!" yelled Melanie."Invisible and flying!" Colleen added nervously.
Girls like good-looking guys, and I am not very good-looking. In fact, I sort of look like a pudding
You need your beauty sleep for tomorrow"she tells us "don't stay up too late talking"We ignore her of course.The whole point of a sleepover is to stay up too late talking.
Herr Kafka, essen Sie keine Eier." (As one and only piece of dialog K recalls from his meeting with Rudolf Steiner - "Mr. Kafka don't eat eggs.
If Patti Lupone was born to play Evita then Madonna was born to play Patti Lupone playing Evita.
If Makar Denisych was just a clerk or a junior manager, then no one would have dared talk to him in such a condescending, casual tone, but he is a 'writer', and a talentless medio
Will you read this? I think maybe it sucks. Or maybe it's awesome. It's probably awesome. Tell me it's awesome, okay? Unless it sucks." — Nick
Carpenter: "Call Shen Te, someone! She's good!"Shui Ta: "Certainly. She's ruined.