Humor Quotes
To fit the individual to live and to function in the institutional life of his day.
I don't see how it's doing society any good to have it's members walking around with vague memories of algebraic formulas and geometric diagrams, and clear memories of hating them.
The way I saw it, if my students were willing to pretend I was a teacher, the least I could do was return the favor and pretend that they were writers.
Food, " I suggested. "Sleep. That's what I need. To get the hell away from here."Cole frowned at me, as if I'd suggested "ducks" and "yoga".
Toilet paper unrolled and slitheredthen wrapped around my tummy.That paper tried to roll me upinto an Egyptian mummy.
Then he kept to the back streets, and found a place that did a very reasonable double sausage, egg, bacon and fried slice, in the hope that food could replace sleep.
Happiness depends on sound sleep, orderly bowels and regular meals.
I never was so immensely tickled by anything I had ever said before. I actually woke up twice during the night, and laughed till the bed shook.
Motherhood is a constant battle of wanting to go to bed early so you can catch up on sleep and wanting to stay awake so you can enjoy some peace and sanity!
Are you always so cynical?' said Angelica.'No, ' said Katherine. 'Sometimes I'm asleep.
Making love to a person in their sleep is the only guarantee they'll wake up with a smile on their face.
There was hardly an eminent writer in Paris who was unacquainted with the inside of the Conciergerie or the Bastille.
Yes, she'd made a mistake... but she wasn't going to be bullied. You couldn't let boys go around raining on your lava and ogling other people's watercolors.
God didn't make Eve from Adam's rib. He took out half of Adam's brain by accident.
It struck Mort with sudden, terrible poignancy that Death must be the loneliest creature in the universe. In the great party of Creation, he was always in the kitchen.
When I pass the bar, you'll be barred from bars but put behind them.
Though, ' observed Sloan profoundly, 'where there's a will there's usually a relative.
On the stand, I asked the witness, “What's your occupation?”“Make-up artist.”“Objection!” I replied, “Lack of foundation.
On Wall Street, the lawyers play the same role as medics in war: They come in after the shooting is over to clean up the mess.
(after Quigley explains that the ghosts have been feeding off of their misery)Toma: So, what, we should think happy thoughts?!Duane: That is not a talent of mine.
positivity is the father of reinvention
If positivity is not your mindset, then reset
If you take things the wrong way, be aware of which end is up
Yes, life is hard, but it's not a bad way to pass the time. When all is said and done, I recommend it.
It's fun telling you tall Texas tales. You always look like a little girl who's hearing Cinderella for the first time.
Snarling an oath from an Icelandic saga, I reclaimed my place at the head of the queue. "Oy!" yelled a punk rocker, with studs in his cranium. "There's a fackin' q
If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, you're probably in the wrong bathroom.
Writing is not always a writer's playtime. It's actually a work in progress. Few understand this and mistakenly believe we're wasting time. But it's never a waste of time when doing what you love.
Fill me in on the details of your life.”“I thought you didn’t give a shit.”“It’ll give me something to do while I wait for you to stab me to death.
Oh, God. Not again.”Not again? “Do you make a habit of driving into people’s houses?
Ah ha!' the Doc screeched suddenly, wheeling around. ''The salicylic acid! Maybe it SHOULD have been heated first!
You are so beautiful, I could eat you, ” he said.And it was true. Her smile was as intoxicating as the wine.And he could eat her.
There is a moment of sheer panic when I realize that Paul's apartment overlooks the park... and is obviously more expensive than mine.
You are not responsible for the murderous rampage of an alien psycho, okay?
