Humor Quotes

Clear skin, a manicure, a couple dead zombies, and then fame!

Their laughter was like the stridulation of the ghosts of grasshoppers.

Just behind his jaw bones a tiny movement was perceptible, like the movement of gills in a fish.

When asked what profession they like least, most people will give the obvious answer: clowns.

This is why it is important never to pick or smell flowers, and to always wear headgear when admiring them.

Nothing says you care like sending someone a kitten.

Brunch is such an odd thing. It was created by fat, lazy people who were too lazy to wake up at a reasonable hour and too fat to wait until the next proper time for dining.

I don't remember ever signing up for weird. It just sort of happened.

The world's full of wonder, he said. Or at least horror that looks wondrous from afar.

When am I going to learn to stop questioning authority and just eat the Soylent Green?

My family has a Christmas tradition: Every year, they kill my mom.

The dead have existed for as long as the living, give or take a few years. But what good has that done them?

Oh, I love you, June, I really do. It's just that you sounded so...twat-ish just then.

Terry loved candlelight dinners and red wine. It was a nice contrast from work.And killing people.

You have really nice teeth, ” Terry said and thought they could be excellent for his collection of human body parts.

His eyes burned with intensity. I wondered briefly if someonehe knew was being held in that cold room that smelled like death. Someone he loved?

You’d have been scared too if that big troglodyte had put his hands on you. He smelled like dirty socks and store brand cola.” Chet Andrews

If you let something scare you to death, then the worst has happened.

Who knew death could lead to an eating disorder?

Hey, Tracy you army brat, I think it’s for you!

Vomit and shit, even your own, stink.

You have a faculty for defining the simplest in terms of the grandiose, so that a poor devil like me can't understand it.

Asked in 1919 whether it was true that only three people in the world understood the theory of general relativity, [Eddington] allegedly replied: 'Who's the third?

Will Human Nature destroy Nature and Humans?

Humor is not an end in itself, but a tool to understanding. A dense head must be tickled with an ax.

Fish and visitors stink after three days.

I am a leg of the death tripod that will destroy our foes.

I hope I died honorably. I have a great deal to atone for. - Eler Nersal

The ultimate downfall of the computerized holographic receptionist was that there was no amount of flattery, flirtation or chocolate that could convince one to lie for you.

Nothing helps your partner keep his mind on Jesus more than having a sign of His love tanned on your primary erogenous zones.

Um. Ways in which a sentence beginning with the word "missiles" could be a good thing... Nope. I got nuthin'.

Don't let 'em see they killed you!

I swear to Vishnu, if this doesn’t work, I’m going to stab you in the throat with a Pipette.

I had thought Chicago was inevitable, like diarrhea.

Don't needlessly draw attention to yourself. If you're twerking on the beach, a circling pteracuda could mistake you for a wounded animal.

It’s called the Pyxis, ” said Raven. “Don’t let the fancy name intimidate you. It just means ‘box’ in one of those Old Earth languages, Roman or Spanish or Klingon…

Intellectuals always make a fuss about nothing.

Are you just a car salesman or are you a poet too?” “I've never been accused of poetry before.

It is practical, but that doesn't mean it's right.

Trust is dangerous.

There's no set future, only the one we make.

Will Cato's alien buddies come en masse and invade Earth? He's not sure but he'll try to keep humanity in the loop.

Lost Cactus is a cornucopia of sights, sounds and inhabitants completely foreign to a little squirrel like Sammy, but attempting to set him straight will only complicate matters.

Ty is green but never with envy. Best of all, he's usually available to help move a heavy piece of furniture.

All of life is a test.

Bentley is a good bee with a shaky sense of direction and an appetite for mayhem. Just don't call him a drone. He hates that.

Lost Cactus is simply an urban myth.

Orcs do not have enemies.” Monde tried to search for the proper term, “We have…adversaries.”“Isn’t that the same thing?”“Depends on who’s winning the war.

I’ve always wondered though, ” Orn mused aloud, “what does God need with a starship?”“Are you going to make that stupid quip every time we pass a missionary ship?”“Until they learn a new position.

Apparently loved did weird things to a girl's practical decision-making skills - Matilda