Humor Quotes

Something can be very funny and then suddenly very terrifying-very exciting, and suddenly very ridiculous. I think that’s what life is like, that’s what interests me.

Flashlights would have been nice. Next adventure, Coralee was going to bring a flashlight.

Riding a Dragon is amazing, exhilarating, and murder on the thighs.

Agent Smith, a lady is never late, everyone is simply early.” I said back, paraphrasing something I saw on a 20/20 special. “Well, a lady isn’t exactly what they are expecting.

Not another word, not another thought, not another sniffle. If you need to pass gas, I pray you'll clench your backside and keep walking until we are certainly alone.

What a slacker. Just because daddy paid for his college education, he thinks he can avoid dying for his country." -- Willie "Drafted

As if I'd had time to drug it in the two milliseconds she'd let me out of her sight.

I can't drop it. It's how I'm drawn.

Beavers give a dam

The three now faced the moving wall. Trapped, like the last fries in a box with a hungry kid ready to pounce. They had no way to escape.

There are many things evil people can take from you. However, they can never steal your ability to laugh and laugh loud.

I guess it's funny how life turns out?" she tried. "Not last I checked, " Errol said with a snort.

Fate has a cruel sense of humor, don't you think?

That’s the problem with you nearly immortal types, ” I said. “You couldn’t spot a pop culture reference if it skittered up and implanted an embryo down your esophagus.

You’re playing the creepy vibe a little hard, ” I said. “Might as well go for broke, put on a black top hat and pipe in some organ music.

True evil is always petty and often incompetent.

What is evil?' you ask. To which I reply, 'Who are you, Friedrich Nietzsche?' To which you respond, 'Duh, wha? Me no understand.'Then I put you back in your cage.

You see a wile, you thwart. Am I right?

They say curiosity killed the cat but I am unconcerned. I am smarter, though slightly less evil, than any cat.

Only the wicked understand the ways of the wicked, my dear. ~Madame Zelda to Roller Deb

Moreover, man carries in his heart the desire always to wield his scientific knowledge in service of the greater good. He would of course never use it for destructive purposes. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! ...

Given his personality, I’d say exorcism makes perfect sense as a favored pastime.

All pomp and show.” Anjali’s glare at the house would’ve exploded bricks if she’d had superhuman powers. “A fat cow needs a big barn.

There's a big difference between want and need, " she muttered to herself, picking her pad and pen back up. "I mean I want a bikini body, but I need chicken nuggets.

I was wrong last night. Kyler isn’t just trouble. He’s an apocalypse-level disaster waiting to happen. I need to find some fallout shelter to hide in. And quick.

I am always doing what I thought I couldn't do, because I might learn something. Henri Marcel - Marriage a Journey and A Dog

Is there a reason why you’re standing there, staring out the window and watching the neighbors? Are we preparing to kill them and drag them down to the basement and bury them alive?

Maybe I should put an ad online. Honor student seeks overly self-confident young man for fake relationship. Terms negotiable.

Leaving the feasibility of testicular transplants alone for the moment, she said, “It was mostly my mistake.

She glared at me. I didn't care. One word was playing a loop in my heaad: mine.

…It was like he waved his magic wang, and I totally forgot how I’m not a gullible teenager anymore.

If a man can't love you for who you are, he's not worth The Dior Gloss.

Apparently Super Max was pretty content with taking care of half the town, such was his wonderfulness.

I've noticed you only speak ghetto half of the time." - Stephanie"I'm multi-lingual, " Rancher said.I followed him to the door, feeling jealous, wishing I knew a second language.

We can't predict what's going to happen, but having love is worth the risk.

Thanks so much, " Daisy said as graciously as she could to the gift of edible underwear from her fiancé's grandmother. She was pretty sure this wasn't covered in any of the bridal etiquette guides.

I turn my head so that he doesn't see my smile and secretly curse him for making me feel special.

Bet you've never had a bear down your pants before. Though I'm kind of a bear in bed. (Rick from Back to Basics)

She'd been trained as a child no to trust anyone, but he'd just saved her life, and she was freezing. He could be a yeti for all she cared.

Generally I try to avoid discussing consciousness, since it's, like, hard.

Blood is really warm, it's like drinking hot chocolatebut with more screaming.

I never saw a dollar bill cry at anyone's funeral.

Magic is a naughty beast.

Snow came back, but she didn't come back right.

The sun will always rise, but we may never know

I always said I acted like a twelve-year old, so I decided to write like a twelve-year old.

Horror is like the humor, the one without the other can't exist. Horror makes life more interesting like the humor!

I can't believe that she's questioning the existence of magic when she's standing before me dead and talking.

Using for a noble purpose is still using.

I think everyone should have a problem with zombies on fire.