Humor Quotes

I glared at Christian as the blood smeared around. “You could have at least licked it.”He smirked darkly. “I hear that all too often.

Gavin, Logan, Calix. Was there a sale on trendy names when they were born, or something?

I didn’t intend it to come out sarcastically, but I guess that’s just where my tone of voice automatically goes these days.

That was some branch. Did it have a vendetta against your t-shirt?”“Guess so.”“I hope you showed it who is boss.”“Yeah, I peed on it.

It’s a little early in our relationship for us to be ‘surmounting, ’ but, hey, I’m game if you are. I’ll even let you be on top.” He looked directly at me, a coy smile playing on his lips.

Holy crap, you are like a dog with a bone, ” I commented to Ryan.“Or just one with a boner.

There’s an empty seat next to me in the ‘intensely aggravating’ section…and it’s got your name on it

The cleanest civilization I’ve ever seen…and the number one thing you pack for a wedding is a jar of dirt?

Suddenly, I saw ocean again—then another horizon line—but this time the deep blue sky was on the wrong side of the line…the Holy crap, we’re upside down side.

I’d seen weirder things than a haunted shoe, but not many.

It’s complicated. He’s not…' Human? 'He’s playing hard to get.

You’re just begging for a piece of me, you know that?” she growled. “I don’t know what gave you the idea I've lowered my standards, but I assure you, I haven’t. I want no part of you.

He wanted more, as did I, but we still had a ways to go. I wasn’t a tease and my demands seemed pretty reasonable: always be honest and try not to eat me. ~ Sam, Living Violet

A series of howls and war cries echoed through the camp....The werewolves and Japanese had attacked."-pg.353 Forbidden Nights with a Vampire Kerrelyn Sparks

It wasn't necessarily that I wasn't a fan of fairies. Really. It wasn't that. It was that I wasn't a fan of being taken hostage by a group of fairies.

Is this neuro-bot really supposed to be her, this creature, this thing, compiled of the ghosts of human data, the replicas of their past?

When it comes to Jews, you have a two-thousand-year memory, but when it comes to us Palestinians, you have a sixty-year amnesia.

Women do not lie about their age. In fact, no woman ever has, its just that memory is the first thing to go.

Piper: it looks like we have hole. Percy: Yeah we've got a dam hole! (LOL-ing) Piper: What! Percy: Inside joke. (still LOL-ing) Piper: Whatever.

The spell...curled around...like smoke before settling in.Sophie: "Okay, do you guys feel protected?"Archer: "Yes. Also a little violated, but that's neither here nor there.

Magic is the only honest profession. A magician promises to deceive you and he does.

You said th' Magic was in my back. Th' doctor calls it rheumatics.

Forget about weird Boy and move on

Is thyselves even a word?

Forthwith I crush this acid lemonFreeing myself of the malefic venomHither I let thee rottenLet my curse be forgotten.

Roger’s wand made a crackling noise as he traced it around Winston’s arms, down his waist, and everywhere else.

Maybe Harry Potter is real and you're not.

Ben let a slow smile play over his face. He loved this part. It always felt like revealing to a disbeliever that he had magical powers or something.

Poor Amy. I could tell she was suffering. Poor Thing. Life was so tough for the rich, beautiful and magical.

How do you express a skinny blonde werewolf and a former toad in a cake?

An alibi is one alliterative consonant short of being a magic carpet

If you don't beleve in yourself, who will?' ~Maybeck

I decide that we could always indulge ourselves later. First, I had a soul-eating stone of power to poke with a stick.

M.T. Stone was the poster boy for what an assassin should look like.

We learned the seven traditional ways to make words unclear.""Seven? That many? Which was the most effective?""Poor grammar skills.

I pull my power more tightly around me like a magic binky.

The Tanakee are thought to possess strange, almost supernatural powers.Their eyes are described as large and hypnotic." From Tribe of the Teddy Bear

Jesus was a good guy, he didn't need this shit.

What would people think?'Jesus said that people think all sorts of things. The human mind is like a cloud of gnats. Constant motion. That's why you have to look at the heart.'Oh, ' said Grandpa.

Unfortunately when I'm on my death bed I believe I'll be like most people and still looking for Jesus. And yes I've checked my sock drawer.

If you are going to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.

The only thing I hate about good people is that they like making their being good people bad people’s problem.

The pleasure or the benefit that the object of our deed derives from it is every now and then greater or even more important than the one we derive from the deed.

Every single good person is a good person for their own sake, not for the sake of humanity, not even for the sake of another human being.

No single bad person regards themselves as a bad person.

It is humanly impossible to be selfless. As a matter of fact, human beings are inherently selfish.

Nowhere in the bible did it say, “Only show compassion and empathy to those you can trust.” If we did that, we would be burying homeless people every day.

As a kid my heart would break for the villains.

Bragging about your compassion is the first step towards feeling a genuine emotion.

If I could bottle kindness, I wonder if formaldehyde would preserve it.