Humor Quotes
Well, ” Lynx said once the man was dead. “That was…uneventful.”“You’re as fickle as an old woman, ” Zeus told Lynx. “One minute too much carnage, the next not enough.
I'm going to write a book about an intelligent woman who does stupid things when it comes to men. I'll call it, "My Memoirs.
Females and boys are the only creatures that propose others for friendship. As for the rest of us, friendship sort of just happens.
Gentlemen do not carry a cane or a hat? No gloves?”“Gentleman may still wear them, but I’m afraid the problem is that there aren’t many left.
There was so much testosterone in the air, I felt like I needed a gas mask.
Men. They don't ask for directions, but they'll ask a demon for a favor.-Nina
I'm going to treat myself to one of these as a reward for not knocking himself unconscious with a skillet.
Boys dream of strippers, men dream of their women waiting for them at home.
I had a dream that boys would act like men for once…then I woke up.
If men knew how women pass the time when they are alone, they’d never marry.
Y'know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations, like sitting on frozen peas after a vasectomy
I see why our little Braith likes you.”“Does she?”“Can’t you tell?”“I’m male. I have no idea what you females are thinking.
The men had scattered in all directions, which men are inclined to do when women leave them to their own devices for any length of time. I believe they are easily bored.
Emerson has what I believe is called a selective memory. He can recall minute details of particular excavations but is likely to forget where he left his hat.
A domesticated man makes my lady parts beep!
A pair of great heels was much more satisfying than a man. They lasted longer, and better yet, they didn’t leave me for someone prettier.
Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man".
Stop looking for your better half! You need to be whole to attract your better whole, if you expect to have a flourishing relationship.
If you only attract Mr. Wrong or Ms. Crazy, evaluate the common thread in this diversity of people: YOU!
It was a needless precaution, I felt sure, but men always enjoy marching around with weapons and flexing their figurative muscles, and I saw no reason to deny them this harmless exercise.
Don't get mad about the infestation of fleas if you keep shopping at the dog pound.
They sounded like intestines, only on the outside, and the men in the Bible were always having them cut off and not being able to go to church. Horrid.
Men only treat women like princesses when they want to use them like prostitutes.
Okay, guys. Stop it. Are you going to start peeing on me to mark your territory?
If he's like any other man I've ever met, it's not my smile he's going to be looking at.
Men are most virile and attractive between the ages of 35 and 55. Under 35 a man has too much to learn, and I don't have time to teach him.
I have never seen a wrestling match or prize fight, and I don't want to. When I find out a man is interested in these sports, I drop him.
If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.
I am yet to meet the idiot at whose door success arrived as a direct result of his refusal to invest in the enterprise that made him rich.
EWI: Emailing While Intoxicated
If it's glorious to fail in great attempts, then #gloriousfail should definitely be a thing.
Going to work every day was like my hair was on fire and all I had to put it out was a hammer.
Let’s form a committee tasked with exploring why committees are so ineffective. Then we’ll stand-back and watch it argue and self-destruct.
The greatest irony is that people with Rolodexes are no longer LinkedIn. And if that pun doesn't make sense, don’t ask anyone in your Rolodex to explain it.
Life is all about exploring yourself, discovering yourself and grooming yourself, then you will surely stop negative thinking.
Real estate is the best investment on earth, however, when the music stops playing, which happens occasionally, don't be the one left without a chair.
A title from the1966 movie"The Russians Are Coming, The Russians Are Coming, " gives a new meaning toa phrase: "wait a minute, we've seen this movie before