Humor Quotes
When life stops you making progress, don't see it as a step backwards.Think of it as doing the Moonwalk.
If you only go around once in life, then why has that one gone around more than once?
I don’t believe we should carry backupplans in life’s suitcase—they’re too easy to unpack like living a life in yoga pants, so comfortable our hips spreadinto new timezones...
He was a glass half full kind of person and she was...what? The glass is going to break before you can even pour kind of person. Yikes.
Stab me if you can enjoy it - but not if it feels like a duty. Stab me vertically if I’m lying down and horizontally if I’m running
Why is it, I wonder, that Sigmar felt compelled to burden you with such poor imaginations? Very well. Judicate me, if you can.
She held up the pen and gave him a lazy grin. "It's a rose."He came close. "It's a pen." He tried to pluck it from her hand."You are seriously lacking in imagination.
Laughter and imagination can overcome any ill-felt sensations.
Writing a story is like ruling the world. Except it's even better. How many rulers out there that you know can tell people what they say?
People will say, "there's heaven and hell", and they take it so serious that they look so sorrowful with penitence. I would rather ask them to show me the route that leads to heaven or hell.
My imagination was running amok again. Twice in one night. This never happens when I’m sitting in front of a typewriter.
That's Third Thoughts for you. When a huge rock is going to land on your head, they're the thoughts that think: Is that an igneous rock, such as granite, or is it sandstone?
I got bored, " he says. "Besides, you know what's creepier than walking around your dead brothers' apartment? Sitting alone in a hearse in front of his apartment.
Here's to our enduring sisterhood. May it bind us together more tightly that the Lycra in my Spanx underpants.
I'd rather be a friendless loser than have a bunch of friends who secretly hated me. (spoken by Massie Block)
Why, you mean you didn't get abducted and dragged across country purely to make us a story for us to chew over endlessly?" asked Pip, tossing his shock of tow-colored hair indignantly. "The nerve!
He’s more how Satan would look if he needed to seduce you into drowning a baby.
Some of our friends are our friends only because we used to be friends.
The thing about friends is, you never know when you might need them. It's always best to keep them imprisoned nearby.
I'm friends with a guy who is friends with a former Playboy model. So I guess you could say I'm 1 degree away from 212 degrees.
You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friends nose.
you can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friends nose.
You’re impossible.” I sighed. “And really weird. No wonder Jared likes you.”“Is that a good thing or not?”I shrugged. “You two have bittersweet panty-dropping connection.”“Gross.
One of these days, I would doubt the Gardeners a little too much and Zach was going to play handball with my head.
Am I on your walk of shame? You did sleep with the right MacGregor, didn’t you?
Don't let your teeth make you lose respect by permanently keeping them opened for the sake of being friendly.
I’ve been living on the edge for so long, my friends call me Cliff
Of all the gifts you can get, friends and family are the best!
Seeing him jogging at the park had cracked the window so I could peek into his soul. Seeing him with his friends threw the window wide
A present is not the source of buying someone's love but its a source of showing how much u love and apriciate that particular person
Just for the record, I have come to fear all of your ideas in advance, simply from having endured enough of them.
Choosing friends based on how much money they have is like betting on a horse because you like its saddle.
You know, maybe we don't need enemies.""Yeah, best friends aree about all I can take.
Men are like dogs, " Stacy was fond of saying. And she usually went on to add that, like dogs, they all took up too much space on the bed, and they always went for the crotch.
I don't think Harry cares about being forgiven, " Poppy said glumly."Of course he does. Men love to be forgiven. It makes us feel better about our inability to learn from our mistakes.
Men don't ask other men if they're getting home OK, they just assume that beneath the frail, weak exterior lurks a muscle-building kung fu master fearless of ever being mugged.
Sometimes the way to a man's heart is through his talleywacker.
But when a man is really in love he can't help looking like a sheep. Now whenever that young man looked he looked like a sheep I take back all is this morning. It is genuine.
Men, she decided, were a strange, thick-skulled, ball-kicking species no one on earth could have a sensible conversation with.