Humor Quotes

People ask me all the time, "Where do your ideas come from?" So, to clear up this question...I keep my ideas inside the mind of a tiny man who is tied up in my closet!

I write what I want to read. If I were to write what I know, I'd be staring at a blank page forever.

I know writers who use subtext, and they're all cowards.

Why aren’t the thinks I’m thinking getting thunk on the page any faster?!? (from Stop Lying: Writing Is Hard on ChristopherLehman.com)

Writing is like giving yourself homework, really hard homework, every day, for the rest of your life. You want glamorous? Throw glitter at the computer screen.

I thought about writing the character as male, but then I would be forced to portray him as a woman in a man's body.

Fact is just fiction with different storytellers

Writer's Block is just an excuse by people who don't write for not writing.

Revenge is a dish best served published!

I've learned to let my characters speak and act the way they want to! I've tried to interfere but they just get angry at me and throw big rocks.

At a certain age almost all the questions a person asks him or herself are really just about one thing: how should you live your life?

I was kind of excited to go to jail for the first time and I learnt some great dialogue.

That’s what being alive is, Thing! It’s being badly prepared for everything! Because you only get one chance, Thing!

... human beings fear the unknown. So, whatever's freaking you out, grab it by the balls and say hello.

If pain is a pot of boiling water, humor can be the rising steam.

Emotions are like muscles. Most of them go highly unattended, it's usually the weaker, undefined ones that cause injury to the rest, and there is most certainly memory response in play.

It may be escapist, but if I have a choice between watching the news or reading a book which gets me to see the world through different eyes, I will always choose the latter!

Но Остап приходил каждый вечер, хотя радостных вестей не приносил. Энергия и веселость его были неисчерпаемы. Надежда ни на одну минуту не покидала его.

Writing in a new style never hurt anybody. Upside: if it does, you can write about it!

I once took a city with five men and a lame goat. If I can do that, you can convince the necromancers to pledge themselves to you. Do this or die.

Violence can read like poetry. You just have to describe the act as if you’re in love with the way your characters bleed.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending and to have the two as close together as possible.

I have church on Sunday.”“Of course you do.”“You’re welcome to come along.”“Thanks, but I’m allergic to incense.”“That’s a shame.”“It’s the bane of my existence.”- Beth and Jake

God, come down, if you're really there -Well, you're the one who claims to care!

Ankh-Morpork is a godless city--''I thought it had more than three hundred places of worship?' said Maladict. city', he recovered.

On peut rire de tout mais pas avec n'importe qui.

Heresy is another word for freedom of thought.

I don't believe in ONE holy book. I believe all books are holy. Of course, some books are holy shit.

Imagination is evidence of the divine, and the divine is the imagination of evidence.

But you've always used words so wordily in crafty defense of your Trinity, although He never needed such defense before you got Him from me as a Unity.

I don't ridicule religion, it ridicules itself.

You frighten me, when you say there isn't time.""I don't see why. Christians have been expecting the imminent end of the world for millennia.""But it keeps not ending.""So far, so good.

Christians rejected the need for proof to support belief in God, yet dismissed proof altogether when it was there.

I am fashionably unimpressed with the material world. I am moved by the beauty of aspiration, and I hope that I can elevate myself to the standards I have imposed on others.

I only know everything if you ask the right questions.

Your own shortcomings are the best ground to grow your sense of humor.

If Socrates was alive today he would say : I know that I know everything. That's what contemporary philosophers do.

It is usually unbearably painful to read a book by an author who knows way less than you do, unless the book is a novel.

You are more likely to find three TVs inside a randomly selected house than you are to find a single book that is or was not read to pass an exam, to please God, or to be a better cook.

An ignorant man who is regarded as knowledgeable by people who are more ignorant than him is still ignorant.

I’d venture to guess that a list of things you know nothing about could fill volumes.

It sometimes requires ignorance and arrogance to know something for sure.

Pure wisdom is the 'fruit of life' banal platitudes are the 'bane of existence'.

I never fail. It's just that the people around me succeed more than I.

If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried.

As an Odd-Fish, it is not my job to be right, ' said Sir Oort. 'It is my job to be wrong in new and exciting ways.

Have nuts and be nuts.

Most jokes come from good intentions—and most mistakes, too.

[Myrnin to Claire about their costumes of Pierrot and Harlequin, respectively]"Don't they teach you anything in your sch

Night clubs are where Americans learn the laws of motion.