Funny Quotes
The combination of ammonia and chloride can be lethal but I've discovered it can work miracles as long as you keep telling yourself, "I want to love, I want to live...
Smartass Disciple: Why men don't ready yet to join the intergalactic confederation?Master of Stupidity: Men could make them laugh to death. It'd be too risky for them.
What's big, thick, makes the earth move, and wants to have its way with you?" "I don't know, but can you introduce me?
We're too different now. We want different things. And this?" I say nodding at our hands. "All this managed to prove is that you are extremely good at turning me off
Aunt Elizabeth said, 'Do you expect to attend many balls, if I may ask?' and I said, 'Yes, when I am rich and famous.' and Aunt Elizabeth said, 'Yes, when the moon is made of green cheese.
I want to do it too!” said Gazzy, sitting very, very quietly, completely motionless.“Nope, ” said Nudge, shaking her head. “You stand out like a fart in church.
She was my friend because she was kind and funny but she had a face like two oysters fused together in a Star Trek matter transporter accident.
If you removed all the arteries, veins, & capillaries from a person’s body, and tied them end-to-end…the person will die.
Some vampires wouldn't react if you shoved a rosary down their pants, though I wouldn't recommend testing the theory.
He's such a dear, Mr. Garnet. A beautiful, pure, bred Persian. He has taken prizes.""He's always taking something - generally food.
You need anything we're only an hour away, give or take, honey. You call. We'll help you hide the body.
Sketchy black van? Weird stalking of my house? What are you going to do next, offer me some candy?
I spy, with my little eye, something that starts with ... G.""Sausages.
Did I hurt you in the parking lot?""No, m'lady. I fell, so I could put a tracker on your car."Great.
No, officer, I have no idea why I'm wearing this possum costume. I called you what? OH. My bad."-Nastasya
He glanced up once, eyes bored. “Please stop talking. I’m trying to eat.
Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off"- Cruz
Just to keep the bad dreams at bay, she took a swig out of a bottle that smelled of apples and happy brain-death.
I strike fear into you because I am a man?""It isn't funny.""I do not laugh. It is a sad thing, yes, that your husband is a man. A very terrible thing.
Ms. Fang is the nicest, sweetest teacher at Scary School. She only ate twelve kids last year.
Okay, well I think the programme is like being screamed at for an hour by a drunk with a strobe-light, but like I said--
I beg your pardon I am drunk without a drink. English wine & words are vulnerable to every man.
The following ten throws went a variety of places. I never hit the target, but I was getting closer. Isabella was laughing so hard she wrote "Please stop can't breathe" in the dirt with her finger.
Back from where? you're not going out again and leaving me here are you?? Holy Hercules I sound like somebody's wife
He's getting away you idiots! Shoot him. I'm wearing Spider-Man underpants!
Paddy Eagan, stay away from falling signs for a bit and you'll be as right as rain come the weekend.
...which, of course, is how I developed my love for both Kabuki theater and marshmallow Peeps.
I can never be perfectly certain whether Helen was got with child by Leonard Bast or by his fatal forgotten umbrella. All things considered, I think it must have been the umbrella.
I had to say it gave me a warm feeling to picture Meredith Winslow spending twenty years or so in an ill fitting orange jumpsuit, cozying up to a great big girl named Beulah
We sat on the floor for dinner. Ananya's father passed me a banana leaf. I wondered if i had to eat it or wipe my hands with it.
AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!' he screamed.'So that's Sara, ' I said.'Yes.''She seems nice.
There, at her console, he dialed 594: pleased acknowledgement of husband's superior wisdom in all matters
There is no real bravery in getting paid to save someone's life. However, there is a large amount of bravery in a nurse break dancing at the hospital's Christmas party.
We men had a meeting a long time ago, and we all decided, 'It's trousers'. And that's what we've worn ever since.
How are we going to get out of here?""Oh, escape is easy once you have the right
Thank you for helping my sister, ” he says.I lean forward, mimicking his position. “I’m happy to.”Calliope leans out her window. “STOP FLIRTING AND GET BACK TO WORK.
What happened?" he asked brusquely, interrupting me. "What do you mean, what happened?""I sensed your fear, heard you call out my
