Funny Quotes

I had a dream about you last night... You replaced all the people in your life with kittens. It felt more like a prediction of the future.

I had a dream about you last night... you sat in a cardboard box and said you were a tree.

I had a dream about you last night… it was raining and you were fishing for fire to set a sandcastle a flame.

I had a dream about you last night... you were crying over spilt ink screaming "the words, the what could have been beautiful words.

I had a dream about you last night.. You pretended not to be a three hole punch.

I had a dream about you last night... shortly after I woke up screaming in terror.

I had a dream about you last night... you made a beard for yourself out of forty two bags of Twizzlers.

Or maybe I, like, cuddle raped him or something.

I had a dream about you. We were ice fishing in my freezer. I caught a few cold beers, and you wondered if we should drink them, or throw them back because they were babies.

I had a dream about you. You were wearing Sylvester Stallone's sneer as pants, but his lips were saggy on your legs, so you had to wear a mustache as a belt.

Whether we are trying to buy a packet of chips or getting to know a person for a potentially important relationship, its nice to have an overview of what it/he/she contains. - Of A Sense of Self

Are you real?” Stupid. Of course he’s real.“Yes, Julie. I’m not the mystical man from your dreams.

The Dictionary defines Soul Mate as: A person who is perfectly suited to another in temperament. Before I met mine, I didn't know I was bonkers!

Given a choice between goose egg and heartache, I would choose heartache.

Remember, you are as dispensable as the most indispensable king of kings, the mighty lord of silly worldly men.

Wise is the fool who becomes a master at laughter.

Don't, but if at all, then, lie to the whole damn world - never to your own damn, silly stupid self.

It's funny how the ugly duckling always has so many beautiful things to teach us.

Good plan, " Freddy was saying. "Let's get some decent sleep. Tomorrow we can shake our gravy asses into town and do some sluething.

Don't be so humble - you are not that great.

A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need advice.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

If you're too open-minded your brains will fall out.

She's strong! And scary...I bet she's single...I'd put money on it..

Perv."He pointed to himself. "Male and eighteen. What's your point?

aren't you, uh... reproducing?"sure, we love reproducing it's one of our favorite things.

Can I come in?No! I'm in a towel!I'm blind!

Remind me, " he paused, drawing in a stuttered gasp, "to never piss you off again. Christ, are you secretly a ninja?

If there were an international butt competition, Eric would win, hands down—or cheeks up.

Ethan Wyeth: I hope you're thirsty."Gideon Wyeth:"Why?"Ethan: "Cause your dumb and ugly, but I can do something about thirsty.

Other crack teams get bat boomerangs and wall-climbing powers we get Aquatruck.

How long have you been standing there?""Just long enough to see you give Daemon the middle finger.""He deserved it.

Your mail could've waited." Daemon followed me into the kitchen. "What is it? Just books?"Grabbing the OJ from the fridge, I sighed. People who didn't heart books didn't understand.

Daemon pressed his forehead against mine. "Oh, I still want to strangle you. But I'm insane. You're crazy. Maybe that's why. We just make crazy together.

Maxon: “To be clear, no one agrees with you.”America: “To be clear, I don’t care.

She crouched with her hand out. What the hell was she doing… "Here, kitty, kitty, kitty." Oh my God, she was retarded and I was going to kill Jim.

Is that a stake, Bones, or are you just happy with my new dress?”“In this case, it’s a stake. You could always feel around for something more, though. See what comes up.

Self-knowledge is better than self-control any day, " Raquel said firmly. "And I know myself well enough to know how I act around cookies.

A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

Pressure is something you feel when you don't know what the hell you're doing.

Well, someone slap my butt and give me a hero cookie. (Nick)

However, if you do start crying in an argument and someone asks why, you can always say, "I'm just crying because of how wrong you are.

I didn't want to spoil the mood. This was probably the longest Daemon and I had ever spoken without some statement earning him the finger.

IF WE DIE FOR THEM, I'LL KILL YOU, HARRY!

Oh, there you are, Albus, ' he said. 'You've been a very long time. Upset stomach?''No, I was merely reading the Muggle magazines, ' said Dumbledore. 'I do love knitting patterns.

Of course you know, this means war.

What's that?" he asked, when I stood beside him again."Halos, " I said with a grin. "For heavenly creatures like us.""That might be a stretch.

Can the sarcasm, ' he said. 'Please, I always use fresh sarcasm, never canned.

What I actually want to call you is a hell of a lot more unprintable than your name

Hitler: Thank you, whoever you are. I think you just saved my life.The Doctor: Believe me... It was an accident.