Funny Quotes

An ignorant man who is regarded as knowledgeable by people who are more ignorant than him is still ignorant.

It sometimes requires ignorance and arrogance to know something for sure.

If at first you don't succeed, lower you expectations

Night clubs are where Americans learn the laws of motion.

Education: learning to find your purpose. Upon finding your purpose: what did I learn?

Freedom comes from focus, focus brings freedom. Focus on fear you will always be in prison, focus on faith and is nothing the world can keep you knocked down.

Dear Lord please show me what really matters so that I may be able to determine what is distraction and God's direction in my life.

If God can help us locate demands, He can also help us locate the leaks.

Long before something happens in our life, it happened in our heart.

What starts in the heart doesn't stay in the heart, it either turn into action or words.

The enemies agenda is destruction, his strategy is division and his tactics is on little differences. Mind you he is not going to be happy until he sees you divided.

Do you know where your breakthrough begins? Your breakthrough begins where your excuses ends.

The forgiveness of God flows through me and because I am forgiven, I can forgive.

There is no where that life problem can take you that God's presence cannot reach you. There is nothing that people can do to you that can keep God from getting to you.

You have a standing invitation to experience God's presence but you have to pay attention because attention creates access.

Evil is real but God is greater.

God always have a perfect way for every imperfect situations.

The size of a plane does not change the weather but it will get you above it. The size of your faith may not change your situation but it will get you over it.

The more desperate the situation, the more opportunity for miracle. If you need something from God, you need to be at the right place, the right position and at the right time

Stop praying to God to change your marriage or your finances because you might end up seeing that you are the one that need the change not your marriage or finances.

What you see and what you listen to will determine how high you will go.

It is weird to me on how people will come to church frequently and have absolutely no desire or intention to change anything about their life based on what they experienced in the church.

I didn't get to God by effort or title, I got there by invitation. God can lift you quickly if you let Him. He really cares.

Being married or being in a close relationship is not based on how quickly you can get offended but on how you are ready to drop the offences, get over it and move ahead.

Before Marriage opposite attracts, after marriage opposite attacks☺. Just telling you the truth.

God takes two and make them one but satan takes one and make it two.

There is a throne up there and someone is sitting on it. It is not you, the economy or your government. My God is still on the throne and I shall not worry.

My faith gives me the ability to say, whatever is next, I'm ready. If it is Hillary or Trump I am ready because they might sit on the desk but they do not sit on the throne.

You don't have to feel grateful in order to be grateful.

One of the most common and most dangerous misbeliefs is that it is impossible for someone to be stupid just because they are a doctor or a lawyer.

We usually learn from debates that we seldom learn from debates.

I had a dream about you last night.. You were balancing ten tiny footballs on your nose while dancing with a turquoise unicorn.

I didn't dream about you last night. I woke up in fear.

I had a dream about you last night. We stopped telling each other about our dreams when we realized we were still inside them.

I had a dream about you last night... you were there.

I had a dream about you last night. We were plug sockets in the bedroom. We saw only a short part of their day, but we knew everything of it.

I had a dream about you last night.. You thought you were a candy vampire, you were standing in the sun screaming 'I'm melting.

I had a dream about you last night... I was a brick and you were a blanket. Damn that improbability drive.

I had a dream about you last night... You turned red, then green, and then blue. You told me you were trying to fit in with the m&m's.

I had a dream about you last night.. You were in the amazon rain forest yipping like a dog.

I had a dream about you last night... You tried to propose with a digital ceramic heater.

I had a dream about you last night. We went to the store cupboard to make out, but we ended up sharing our pain and then crying together. We wasn't prepared for this level of intimacy.

I had a dream about you last night... Unfortunately, it wasn't a dream.

I had a dream about you last night... Well I say dream I mean nightmare... you were a Yankee fan.

I had a dream about you last night.. You kept screaming at Ted Danson to pour you a drink.

I had a dream about you. We couldn't decide on a sunrise. You wanted a tan, I only cared about the view. Then World War III fulfilled both our desires.

I had a dream about you. You suggested to split the profits, so I did. I threw one half in the furnace to power the steam engine, and the other half in the air to distract our pursuers.

I had a dream about you last night.We moved into a cabin in the countryside.I couldn't handle the spiders.You couldn't handle my drama.I moved back to the city.

I had a dream about you last night. It wasn't until after you sold me the talking car, I realized you were the world’s best ventriloquist.

I had a dream about you last night. Eons ago, we created a Universe, then sat back and watched miniature versions of ourselves try to make all the same mistakes we did.