Funny Quotes

Winny and I lived in a house that ran on static electricity. If you wanted to run the blender, you had to rub balloons on your head. If you wanted to cook, you had to pull off a sweater real quick

I put hardwood floors on top of wall-to-wall carpet.

Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.

It's a fine night to have an evening.

You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology experiment and nobody else shows up and you think maybe that's part of the experiment? I'm like that all the time.

How come you don't ever hear about gruntled employees? And who has been dis-ing them anyhow?

I think people are surprised to learn that Im pretty goofy and pretty funny.

I sure do miss that woman. Smart. Funny. Sweet. She never gave me a moment's trouble." "Gosh, I'm sorry about that. I knew it was boring between you two, but not that bad.

President Obama is funny, he's thoughtful, he's challenging, he's fun to work with - and it's been an extraordinary privilege.

That's very funny," says Peeta. Suddenly he lashes out at the glass in Haymitch's hand. It shatters on the floor, sending the bloodred liquid running toward the back of the train. "Only not to us.

I think people will read about anything if it's good or interesting or funny enough.

I know I can't play funny roles in movies. I tried, and it didn't work.

Dying men think of funny things-and that's what we all are here, aren't we? Dying men.

I dont spend much time on Twitter. I joined because I found it funny.

At the Republican convention, there were lots of words used to describe Hillary Clinton, but warm, funny and caring weren't among them.

I was never pretty, never really popular. I was lanky and funny looking.

I don't steer towards anything. I steer towards character and truth. If it's funny then so be it. If it's dramatic, so be it. I just steer towards characters.

Everybody in the South loves the one closeted homosexual who's married. It's just too funny to not have in a movie about the South. It's an epidemic. You gotta represent!

I find comedy to be really scary, because it can go so wrong so easily, and the margin for error is so huge - and I guess that's what makes it funny, that tension.

I've always enjoyed poor health

You realize the bad guy isn't wearing a black cape or easy to spot; he's funny, makes you laugh, and has perfect hair.

But I've never looked at myself as being particularly funny.

That heightened dynamic can produce interesting, funny ideas that are phrased in ways that surprise even you, as the performer.

I think the more you hone your voice, take risks and talk about things that matter, the better chance you have of getting into the realm of the philosophers of stand up. But you have to be funny.

Not that that's the goal, but sometimes these funny insights can also be deeply profound.

If you're funny, you can find a stage to get on. If you're good, you'll start to get work and eventually get paid.

Nuclear war would really set back cable.

Last Christmas someone stole my present. I've spent this year living in the past.

We can't play stupid hockey, dumb hockey, greedy hockey, selfish hockey. We have to put the team ahead of our personal feelings.

The Kappamaki, a whaling research ship, was currently researching the question: How many whales can you catch in one week?

-Oh yes? Can you identify yourself? -Certainly. I'd know me anywhere.

Dialogue that's distinctive, funny, peculiar, and specific is the main thing that makes me want to get involved with a film to begin with.

The dice are stacked against them

Kings and such are just as funny as politicians.

15 Step is about how if you have mental illness and try to dance you look very funny. Whenever you see me dancing on stage, I'm imitating the mentally ill.

Music is more difficult - try naming a political band. The Dead Kennedys. The Dead Kennedys are political, but they are more funny than they are political.

A force as of madness in the hands of reason has done all that was ever done in the world.

A poor creature who has said or done nothing worth a serious man taking the trouble of remembering.

I'm always doing what I can to look for and just feel out funny things that are happening in the scene and improvise off of them.

If you're a studio writer, the funny better be on the page.

The only guaranteed way to make something not very funny is to make it vague.

Laughter ispleasant, butthe exertion istoomuchfor me.

I think having funny characters is just one way of having three-dimensional characters.

It's funny, because I don't think of my films as "slow-burn." I don't even know if I was familiar with the phrase until people started labeling me with it.

Before Kady was born, I didn't think having a kid would be such a big deal. My attitude was simple: Babies are nice, play with them, put them in the closet until the next time.

I'm always in situations where you can't be funny, and yet I want to do it anyway.

When people come in to act on the show, we say, "Just be extremely dry and not funny. Let the idea be the joke." That holds true through a lot of our stuff.

It's funny, the old media idea is very segmented, like "this is my territory and this is yours." But media is changing. You're at a point now where people can start to move into different forms.

Not everybody agrees on what's funny, obviously.

When I left home, my mum said "Don't forget to write", I thought, "That's unlikely"... It's a basic skill isn't it.