Comedy Quotes

They say laughter is the best medicine, and I agree. Plus, it’s free, has no bad side effects and is available to EVERYONE.

I ought to be jealous of the tower. She is more famous than I am.

Truly competent Literary Detectives are as rare as truthful men, Mr. Tweed -- you can see her potential as clearly as I can. Frightened of someone stealing your thunder, perhaps?

Most people are idiots

We really need to find a cure for stupidity, and fast! I've heard it's contagious...No wonder why there's so many of them.

Yeah, Hera was definitely channelling her inner Wicked Witch of the West that day.

Here you are. Would you like some pickles?”“Pickles gives me the wind something awful.”“In that case—”“Oh, I wasn’t saying no, ” Mistress Weatherwax said, taking two large pickled cucumbers.

I am the Trolley of Love. Free rides before noon and after 11:58 am!

This advice from a college freshman carrying a cane?""It's a walking stick, I'll have you know.""Same difference.""Hardly. It's fashion.

Yoga pants often answer questions I didn't ask.

How am I supposed to believe you when you're obviously carrying a fake monogram Gucci Bag?

The weather wouldn't settle down. It would rain cats and dogs, then stop, then drip awhile, then stop while it made up its mind what to do next.

It was the kind of storm that suggests the whole sky has swallowed a diuretic.

Eternity is not a super-abundance of time, but timelessness.

Well, clearly not. Goodness boss, just look at those filthy paws. I’ve never seen any fish carry paws like those. Usually they are cleaner.

Seriously, why was it tradition to stand when the bride came in? It blocked her from seeing her groom, who was the only reason she was there in the first place.

If one wishes to elicit a reaction from the elusive species known as 'reservus quietgirlius, ' one must poke.

I just finished running, and I look and smell like nothing very pleasant. Why, oh, why did he have to bump into me now?

No Tyson, the guy in the story did not attract the attention of a moose. Tyson is sad now.

He looked at the cash siting there "What's that for?" I made myself smile "A good time.

Didn’t expect to see you here, ” Jordan said.My eyes cut to Rachel, and I smiled sweetly. “Obviously. Hey, Rachel. Good to see you aga

You will stay with me. You will sleep here at my side and you will touch me. I am depressed but not when you stroke my chest.

Of course, Jules was not a wolf. She was an elephant. But Jules was a very young toy and she had never been to school to learn the difference.

Faith is Hope on a treadmill. Love is the reason we stay on.

Well, " I ask, leaning over him, "do you wish to stay?""I do.""And why is that, Cole?" I say, tipping toward him so that our noses nearly brush."Well, " he says with a smile, "the weather's quite nice.

So you’re her brother?” says Lynn. “I guess we know who got the good genes.”I laugh at the expression on Caleb’s face, his mouth drawn into a slight pucker and his eyes wide.

Dan habis ini, gue harap lo bakal lebih wise dan nyari seseorang yang bersedia tinggal di sisi lo - not just for weekend, but for the whole days in the week.

Y are you called the cheese man?

You know, ” he says, voice still low.“I have had nothing but trouble since you walked into my life.” “I’d walk straight back out of it if only you’d let me.

The smell of new office supplies is so satisfying while being kicked out of Staples for inappropriate behavior with a file folder is so embarrassing.

Do billboard salesmen record their sales on charts? If so, who's at the top of the billboard charts for billboard sales?

I trust you all slept well, ” I said, deliberately keeping my tone light. I returned Malich’s glare with a tight-lipped grin.“Yes, we did, ” Kaden answered quickly.“I’m sorry to hear that.

I love family reunions. Maybe next year we could pass out samurai swords.

There was a profound silence, abruptly broken by an enormously loud rumble from George's stomach. Plaster didn't actually fall from the ceiling, but it was close.

Annabelle was practically standing on my back. It was like wearing an Annabelle backpack.

The fact that you and I are acquaintances only interested and amused the ghosts further. Gossip bunch, really.

Embarrassing facts, those would really help our children remember their classroom lessons better.

#Twitter: proudly promoting ghastly grammar and silly misspelling since 2006.

There is strong. There is Army Strong. And then there is Army Wife Strong.

Apparently officers are not ‘men’. Officers are ‘officers’.

She oozes the kind of over-confidence that only comes to people who wear deep red lipstick and sparkly tissue sarees in bright daylight.

We are all regular people, Pia, ’ she laughs. ‘But we are notregular wives.

BLARGLE SLORG NOTH HARGHLE FTHAGN! You know. The usual.

When I was small I dreamed of demons. I thought they were under my bed, but you said, it can't be so, you don't get demons our side of the river, the guards won't let them over London Bridge.

A good reputation is sign of success".

Coffee is not my thing, and RedBull is my wing.

Scotland is a soggy sort it place, where birds and animals walk around uncooked

So, my sweet, did it put the fun into funeral?

Sometimes it's, run don't walk! Like when you're going to the arms of a loved one.

We can't against human stupidity. Because they are too many and too dangerous.