Comedy Quotes
Each one you take is a commitment. If you break that commitment, the gods of alcohol will punish you with a hangover so bad you'll think Satan himself took a dump on you. -Milo
Don't come closer to me at any time without make-up. I may slap and make you feel the taste of death.
So, am I too, like all other humans, just a rogue? Sure! Just a notch less than those rascals wearing godly robes.
Hurry, your imaginary heaven is calling you up, my dear holier-than-thou religious nuts.
Remember, the village idiot was the spiritual man who built the ark and saved his family. Keep being you and never give up marching to the beat of your own drum!
I believe great things are ahead for each of us. Now we just have to go ahead and create them.
Come here, let me share a bit of wisdom with you.Have you given much thought to our mortal condition?Probably not. Why would you? Well, l
Lila!" he said cheerfully. "So you aren't a figment of my brothers imagination after all.
Better to have to retrace your steps and then move forward than never to move forward at all.
You aren’t allowed back until you’ve learned to willingly suspend disbelief.
Greg: Scott, great horde.My realization was that I could never *actually* live a life where I had to be constantly doing things like praising a dude's horde.So that made me feel better about myself.
I wasn't concerned, but I was thinking that the fastest way to get your mind off him and on me would be to tell you something truly appalling about him.
I'm friends with a guy who is friends with a former Playboy model. So I guess you could say I'm 1 degree away from 212 degrees.
Satisfaction is not the achievement of what we want, but the awareness of what we have.
Don't let your teeth make you lose respect by permanently keeping them opened for the sake of being friendly.
You were spying on me?" I repeated, this time my tone was stern."Nonsense! I was making sure you were safe." He answered, fluttering his wings and landing in front of me. "That's what friends do.
My mother raised her eyebrow, and murmured, “And to think I was always worried that you didn’t have any friends. I suppose I should have been counting my blessings.
It was around then that the phone rang. It was my friend Cee Cee, wanting to know if I cared to join her and Adam McTavish at the Coffee Clutch to drink iced tea and talk bad about everyone we know.
Stop teasing you two, ” Suzy jumped in, “not all of Kathy’s ideas are wacky.”“Gee thanks. Was that supposed to be a compliment?
Well, ” Lynx said once the man was dead. “That was…uneventful.”“You’re as fickle as an old woman, ” Zeus told Lynx. “One minute too much carnage, the next not enough.
...he's just so out-of-this-world. They don't make them like that anymore.
Gentlemen do not carry a cane or a hat? No gloves?”“Gentleman may still wear them, but I’m afraid the problem is that there aren’t many left.
I had a dream that boys would act like men for once…then I woke up.
A pair of great heels was much more satisfying than a man. They lasted longer, and better yet, they didn’t leave me for someone prettier.
Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man".
WHAT A CONCUBINE SHOULD NEVER SAY:In your case, ED is not a man's name.
Men only treat women like princesses when they want to use them like prostitutes.
... a man doesn't like to have his ego popped, especially when he prides himself on his sagacity, and then to be proved wrong by a man who claims he doesn't know anything.
It is easy to launch a project if you have no clue about the cost and schedule.
