Comedy Quotes

No kind of social system can make you more happier and secure than your own money.

If you think rightly, every problem is financial problem or eventually becomes one.

To the issues of friendship, love, business and war, "surprise" is the optimistic solution.

I can write about all of these bizarre and funny characters in my book, "Diggin' Elroy, " because I know them better than anyone else. I have a little bit of all of them in me.

The first time I saw a mermaid in my dream, and she looked so real...THAT.'s fishy!!

Trust the vibes you get, energy doesn’t lie.

A girl can dream can’t she? My new life plan is to stumble into every office of a CEO until I find a Christian Grey.

He pulled forth and waggled a leash.A leash.To go around her neck.

I have this condition I call impromptu senility. I can’t remember a damn thing when I don’t want to.

Good shot.”“Not really. I was aiming for his balls.

You’re sure? I thought I heard someone.”“Nope, not a soul, ” Blake said. “Get it. Soul. Because we’re in a church.

the cross had slipped back onto my chest. I unclasped it and after wrapping the chain around the metal, tucked it into my bra

I tucked the feather into my bra, then glanced up at the sudden heavy silence. “What?”Blake grinned. “What else you got in there? Can I see?”“Shut up, Blake!” said the rest of the boys.

I shot him daggers. Along with swords, scythes, scalpels, shivs, shanks, stilettos, and any other sharp weapon I could think of that began with an “s.

Son of a—Rora?” Blake slid out of the crater he’d just made in the wall. “Crap. What are you doing here?” He saw my wrist. “Handcuffs? I definitely want that story.

Blake hung an arm on my shoulders. “Alone at last.”“I’m right here, ” Logan said.“Maybe you shouldn’t be.

Have ye ever known a female who wasna a bit of a witch in her own sweet way?

A bear! I've landed on a wild and wicked bear!

What the feckin' hell is PMS, I'd like to ken?""Petty Male Shit, " she yelled.

Driving a stolen plane will be nothing compared to the ride with a fired-up Scot.

I think...I shall call ye Beauty, for I shall be yer beast.

The little woman, wearing a pink and black zigzag-striped pantsuit over a black turtleneck, resembled a skinny zebra who'd OD'd on Pepto-Bismol.

Ye have taught me something I never understood.""What? How to get rid of Parisian Pink Pecker Disease?

Hello little one. Did you know you're on private property?""Really? I had no idea." Meryn fudged. He raised an eyebrow. "The ten foot fence right behind you didn't give it away?

Some people say Earth is the bottom level of Purgatory.' She pointed toward the floor and frowned.'I call it the top floor of Hell.

You wish for what's called wooing. This customary game, where the man shows the woman that resistance is impractical, strikes me as quite pointless.

Just in front of her lay the Congaree Swamp National Forest. To prove it, a mosquito the size of a kitten landed on her arm and prepared to drill.

Brother Wolf gave Anna an amused look and then went back to being scary.

When he grew up, he wanted to be like Charles.

You should be kissed and often and by someone who knows how. -Rhett Bulter, Gone with the Wind” ― Margaret Mitchell

You should stay and keep me company, so I don't get lonely.”“You don't seem like the type of guy who gets lonely.”“Is that a compliment or an insult?”Analia only shrugged.

Cale! Have you had a female in here?”Calic laughed carelessly. “Depends on when you're referring to.

His appearance projected danger and reinforced the common knowledge that one did not want to piss off a demon, especially this one.

What do you do when you’re in a room of vampires and the most dangerous one tells you that youknow too much? You bolt. What did I do? I hyperventilated.

Do you mind if we leave here so I can chain smoke 'til I throw up so it will be easier to quit?

While I had no intention of hooking up with him, I still wanted him to want to hook up with me.It was the principle of the thing, after all.

I could run, too, but my feet hurt. It's tough being a fashion vixen.

I glared at Christian as the blood smeared around. “You could have at least licked it.”He smirked darkly. “I hear that all too often.

Holy shit! Can we say unstable? Was I the only sane one around here? Well, I guess that really wasn’t setting the standard very high." -Ember, Darkness Of Light

I’d seen weirder things than a haunted shoe, but not many.

What do you think is the problem? You’re a cute kid-­‐uh, guy. Man. You’re a cuteman.

Tell me, Lothaire, I want to know. Convince me why I should love you.”“Because any other female would!

There is a point in the future where even the worst disaster starts to settle into an anecdote.

Wait until you meet my family. At Thanksgiving, we kill everything we can find, put it into a pot, and call it 'holiday gumbo'.

It seemed that it was not only live magicians which Mr. Norrell despised. He had taken the measure of all the dead ones too and found them wanting.

It is dull, Son of Adam, to drink without eating, " said the Queen presently. "What would you like best to eat?""Turkish Delight, please, your Majesty, " said Edmund.

Aren’t faeries supposed to be, like, really tiny? With wings and a wand and faerie dust?”“I’m not Tinker Bell!

Never grow up!

Pick up a thing, " [Wizard Kadmeion's]mother would say. "Touch, smell, and taste it. Listen to its nonsense. Then put the funny thing in its proper place.

... the preacher speaks both the word of tragedy and the word of comedy because they are both of them the truth and because Jesus speaks them both...