Sarah Quotes

Jesus is magic, because he turned water into wine. I think he made the statue of liberty disappear in the 80s or something.

A bull in just about any shop is gonna be a mess.

One of the greatest things my therapist said to me ... and it really blew my mind in the greatest way, he just said, "Look in the mirror less."

I don't need a lot of space.

Traditionally, I have no right to talk about race. I'm white; I didn't grow up in an all-black neighborhood. But the license I see for myself is I'm a member of the world.

We deserve quality lives with equality.

If I don't do stand-up for two weeks, I get freaked out.

I'll tell you why we make fun of midgets: We're not afraid of them.

I remember the horror story that I told myself over and over again. I'm totally alone in my body. I'm totally alone in my head and nobody will ever see through my eyes. I'm just completely alone.

It's really stupid to defend your own jokes. That is for other people to do if they choose to.

I gave him a compliment! All right, I told him he probably would've made, like, a really expensive slave in the, like, in the olden-timey days.

I had a lot of depression as a kid.

I talk to friends who get their feelings hurt when they read Twitter mentions. I have an amazing solution - don't read Twitter mentions.

I love children. I'm embarrassingly baby-crazy.

I was Minnie Mouse for Halloween, every year when I was little. Then, I had the Cinderella nightgown, when I was really little, that I begged my mother to wear to school. I was also Snow White a lot.

I was going to get an abortion the other day. I totally wanted an abortion. And it turns out I was just thirsty.

I'm lucky because I intentionally keep my overhead low, and so I can say, "No, thank you."

I'm not wanting and I don't live in a hovel, but if you keep your costs low, you can do what you want to do creatively.

The reason the rest of us remember, like, when John Lennon died, is because it's a moment when adrenaline is surging.

In the '80s especially, a lot of comedians felt compelled to stick with what made them famous and those people became caricatures.

I just look like a transvestite when I try to dress up. There's no place to hide my balls.

I think when you're 25 you're still finding yourself, and you should have the freedom of that.

I just don't let that mentality be a part of my world.

We live in a fun time with so many ways to express yourself, you would be crazy to be a comedian and not check them all out.

People can't help what topics cut them deep. It all depends on who's inferring - and what the contexts of their lives are at the time.

I don't want to deconstruct what I do.

I became known for surprising audiences. Except now, if I surprise them every time, they expect that.

There are so many great comedies, right now. I like how comedies are really mixing. They're not just one thing. It can be very moving and dramatic, and yet hilarious.

I don't set out to offend or shock, but I also don't do anything to avoid it.

Some things are just for private. It's like people thinking I'm cold or this or that. It's unfortunate, but I don't need strangers to know that I'm warm. I don't need strangers to know the real me.

When I came out to L. A., I got a part in an episode of 'Star Trek: Voyager,' and I hired an acting coach.

The audience works as such a mob. They either all laugh or all don't laugh, and, you know, changes from audience to audience.

I was raped by a doctor. Which is, you know, so bittersweet for a Jewish girl.

Scientology is weird because it's new.

I didn't feel so different until maybe, like, around third grade. Kids started blaming me for my people killing Jesus.

Sometimes a joke that doesn't work just needs a breath or a little word or the tiniest little change to be fixed.

The worst thing that can happen for people who don't want women to be strong is that we help each other and become a force.

I can't wait till Sunday, I'm gonna see my favorite niece and my other niece.

I have no religion, but I can't escape being extremely Jewish ethnically - that is, culturally. In other words, I'm not religious, but I worry and I'm neurotic. And I'm very good with money.

I've never had an abortion. And I don't know if I would. But, it doesn't mean that I wouldn't fight to the death for women to make their own choices for their own human bodies.

It's just hard to say, "Well, I do this, which means this." If I'm telling you exactly who I am, then there's nothing for the audience to say.

Smells definitely do have a crazy impact on me.

If I have kids, I'll adopt.

I like my life alone.

Men like to squash you. I just want someone who's happy with himself, happy with his life. He doesn't have to squash mine.

Earlier in my career, I was really tight, really together, and knew who I was and I was confident. I kind of feel in between now.

Growing up, I always loved Disney movies, but the first movie I remember seeing is 'Sleepers,' so I wasn't really taken to children's movies.

I do love the idea of ritual.

It feels weird in our ear holes to hear people worshipping a guy named Ron. We know Rons in our life.

If you decide to do comedy that involves risk, risk means risk, and you can't complain of flesh wounds if you sit down at the table to play.