Ogden Nash Quotes

He is not drunk, who from the floor, can rise and stand and shout for more

The song of canaries Never varies, And when they're moulting They're pretty revolting.

I don't care how unkind the things people say about me so long as they don't say them to my face.

The codfish is a staple food For which I'm seldom in the mood. This fish is such an utter loss That people eat it with egg sauce.

The only people who should really sin are the people who can sin and grin.

I don't mind their having a lot of money, and I don't care how they employ it, but I do think that they damn well ought to admit they enjoy it.

We love the kindly wind and hail, The jolly thunderbolt, We watch in glee the fairy trail Of ampere, watt, and volt.

Dogs display reluctance and wrath If you try to give them a bath. They bury bones in hideaways And half the time they trot sideaways.

Don't Cry Darling, It's Blood All Right

It is my duty, gentlemen, to inform you that women are dictators all, and I recommend to you this moral: In real life it takes only one to make a quarrel.

A lady is known by the product she endorses.

I myself am more and more inclined to agree with Omar and Satchel Paige as I grow older: Don't try to rewrite what the moving finger has writ, and don't ever look over your shoulder.

He without benefit of scruples - His fun and money soon quadruples.

To maintain your marriage brimming, with really like in the wedding cup, anytime you are incorrect, admit it each time you're proper, shut up.

I was born a jackdaw; why should I try to be an owl?

If you are really Master of your Fate, it shouldn't make any difference to you whether Cleopatra or the Bearded Lady is your mate.

Then blessings on thee, my afternoon torpor Thou makest a prince of a mental porpor.

Passivity can be a provoking modus operandi; Consider the Empire and Gandhi.

Middle-aged life is merry, and I love to lead it.

The highest form of wisdom is to get drunk and go to pieces. The highest form of wisdom is to get drunk and go to pieces. Candy is dandy But liquor is quicker.

To Tom Carlson or his dog-depending on whose taste it best suits.

The old men know when an old man dies.

But children, hark! Your mother would rather, When you arrived, have been your father.

The burnt child, urged by rankling ire, Can hardly wait to get back at the fire.

You can take it as understood, That your luck changes only if it's good.

It is common knowledge to every schoolboy and even every Bachelor of Arts, That all sin is divided into two parts. One kind of sin is called a sin of commission, and that is very important

You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.

Some pains are physical, and some pains are mental, but the one that's both is dental.

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.

If you don’t want to work you have to work to earn enough money so that you won’t have to work.

Certainly there are things in life that money can’t buy, but it’s very funny – Did you ever try buying them without money.

Parsley is gharsley.

He who has never tasted jail Lives well within the legal pale, While he who's served a heavy sentence Renews the racket, not repentance.

...I would not engage the wombatIn any form of mortal combat.

Were it not for frustration and humiliationI suppose the human race would get ideas above its station.

I am tarred and feathered with Time.

The Bronx? No Thonx!

In the world of mulesThere are no rules.

Middle age: when you're sitting at home on Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.

Senescence begins And middle age ends The day your descendants Outnumber your friends.

If called by a panther Don't anther.

Middle age is when you have met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else and usually is.

Another good thing about gossip is that it is within everybody's reach And it is much more interesting than any other form of speech.

Here's a good rule of thumb Too clever is dumb.

The only people who should really sin are the people who can sin with a grin.

The only incurable troubles of the rich are the troubles that money can't cure.

Poets aren't very useful because they aren't consumeful or very produceful.

Progress might have been all right once but it's gone on too long.

Parsely is gharsley.

There are people who are very resourceful At being remorseful And who apparently feel that the best way to make friends Is to do something terrible and then make amends.