Norm MacDonald Quotes

In giving advice, aptitude is often less to be considered, than seasonableness.

A capacity for hating the object of desire is, perhaps, the best cure for love in cases of disappointment.

I had a show that people thought used a laugh track. It wasn't; it was the real audience going crazy after everything that resembled a joke, that they could technically call a joke.

I would love to stay at SNL forever. But you can't stay in the same place. People think you're a loser.

The soul is never perfectly secure from the influence of passion; the occasional tranquility she seems to enjoy, is rather relaxation than imperturbable triumph.

It's a very odd thing with Hollywood, where you do stand-up, you're good at it, then they go, "How would you like to be a horrible actor?" Then you say, "All right, that sounds good. I'll do that."

Generally I don't like traveling around saying the exact same thing. I don't think that's a very good thing to do with your life.

There hasn't been an original voice in stand-up since Sam Kinison.

There is a very prevalent tenet with youth, that good company is every thing desirable, and that bad is even better than none.

Whenever I do theaters, I don't like 'em. I don't think they're right for stand-up.

Love is an artful arrangement of artless pretensions, whereby we labor to appear innocent in what we desire to be most cunning.

The Rolling Stones reunited for a twenty-fifth anniversary tour last week. Keith Richards said that he's happy to continue to do what he's been doing for the past twenty-five years: cheating death.

Never raise expectations in others that you cannot realize: promise is less pleasing than disappointment is vexatious.

Laws, however divine in origin and institution, would be found of little coercion among men, were the administration of them not committed to mortals.

Jealousy seldom punishes with the severity it suffers.

I don't have to meet actors. I'm really blessed that I don't have to do all that horseshit.

I just like doing standup, that's all I'm interested in or good at.

We are often less grieved at disappointments than at ourselves for having said much concerning the certainty of our expectations.

You're used to a TV show, and TV is just made for TV shows. It's not made for live events.So anyways, I was resistant to it, but I did it anyway.

I hate fame. I hate being recognized, because I don't know how to talk to people.

When I was a kid, everybody that played golf was an old man. Until Tiger showed up, they weren't in very good shape.

The promises we break are usually such as we are most forward in making.

I've always been very averse to innuendo, especially sexual. I find it cowardly or something.

Stand-up has the best writers, because it's the hardest writing by a million miles.

I love writing - it's the best. But I really hate collaboration.

I never do impressions, but I probably should. People like that stuff.

Louis [C.K.] is great. But I don't know how many you could do.

I don't know anything about politics. I wouldn't put too much into my prediction on politics.

[sam] Kinison, when he started out, he'd come to Canada when I was first starting, and he'd always [bomb].

On Update, the only real original thing was trying to take away the cleverness of the punchline and make it as blunt as possible.

I have always loved Las Vegas. It's a traditional place for lounge comics to perform, and I love that.

Few criminals die sensible of their crimes.

There's that saying, "I don't know art, but I know what I like." The inverse is kind of true. I know art, but I don't know what I like. You get so immersed in it that nothing appeals to you.

If you're watching a comedian on television and he's making a political point, I would say he's gotten too serious.

I never had any interest in sitcoms or motion pictures or anything like that.

When I started in Canada, I just did stand-up.

There's no show business in Canada, so everybody just did stand-up and we all thought, "Oh, we'll just keep doing stand-up." And then I'm like, "There's more work in the States."

[Televised stand-up] never really makes me laugh. The only one I ever saw that I liked was Richard Pryor, and that was [shot on] film.

In terms of merit, sports has mathematical statistics. That's how you know who the best player is.

I like doing a funny show where I don't have to act and fall in love with a girl.

A lot of people think I'm difficult to work with. It's not like I really want to do that much stuff, so it doesn't really matter. I guess I'm somewhat difficult when it comes to comedy.

I've seen people in theaters, and it just doesn't work, because you're talking to the guy next to you the whole time.

Richard Pryor is my favorite stand-up ever.

Compared to politics, I think sports is funnier, because it's inconsequential. And politics can be real important and all that. The more pointless something is, the funnier it is, you know?