Jen Kirkman Quotes

I really will never understand pushing back on comedians who are like, "I'm like a politician campaigning and shaking hands with these people. They're going to be okay."

I don't like to joke about dating.

If, for some reason, everyone knew who I was without me having to have my own TV show, that's what I would do. That way, I could do less shows a year.

If I could make crazy money just doing stand-up, that's what I would do.

I stay on [Twitter] because I deserve to.

I think that, for me, my favorite thing to do is perform standup onstage. Everything else I do is for the exposure to do more stand-up onstage, and for the money, and for the health insurance.

I don't have any jokes about my divorce or my ex-husband, who is a lovely person. It really is about how I was an idiot trying to push this guy to get married when I wasn't even sure if I wanted to.

I stay on [Twitter] as Jen Kirkman, a person. It's just a way for me to connect with what I know and read everything and catch all areas.

Whatever my life looks like, I want it to be real and big and full. I want when, if I get hit by a car, I want to know that I have deep and real friendships, people to visit me in the hospital.

[Twitter] is not totally where I go anymore to sell myself as a concept, as a comedian, because it moves too fast.

I have no interest in saying "This is who I am! This is what I'm like!"

I just feel like estrogen is bad hormones, and seen as shameful.

Even if it's L.A. and it's warmer, we're not supposed to be revving up right now. I don't like everyone's energy around [winter] time of year.

I think March and fall are natural seasons for me to feel invigorated.

I think I say things nicely and my whole goal is to be understood and that includes by people who don't understand me.

I don't do jokes about elections so that's probably why it went okay for me, except for the crazy people that are hate-crime people.

My curriculum would be the whole year. It would be really slow and it would be about human anatomy. I would teach people about women's bodies so they understand what Planned Parenthood is for.

Not everyone is there to get an abortion. Your body is like a car that has needs and women's bodies constantly need a level of care that men don't.

I'd also talk about the period and of course all the different gender things that people might feel that they are. I'd be a terrible teacher because of what I don't know about that.

I'm the queen of outside speakers.

I don't even think people really understand how you can get pregnant or when you get pregnant. I still have questions about that.

I'm really big on hormones.

At first, there was a separation of clubs and sketch comedy. Now there's all kinds of comedy, making us one big happy family.

I thought that's what happened to women: You live alone when you're old.

A lot of times that I'm single is not for a lack of anyone being interested; it's me.

It's much easier to make jokes about not having kids.

I don't know if I don't believe in monogamy. I think I do believe in it depending on the person or situation or something.

I have this idyllic love life, but my mind just won't accept that. I would like to bring a new guy home every night. I try to make humor out of that situation.

I actually like, love, and respect myself, and I try not to take anything too seriously.