I.B. George Quotes

Leadership camp? Isn't that where Hitler went?

I became a guy who wanted to be a comedian someday, or a comic actor. The way I put it was, I'll be like Danny Kaye. He was kind of the model I had in mind.

I think self-expression is present at all times, and whether or not you're talking about the outside world or your responses to it depends on the moment and the subject.

And, of course, the funniest food: "kumquats". I don't even bring them home anymore. I sit there laughing and they go to waste.

People are dreaming if they think they have rights. They've never had rights. There's no such thing.

I just try to find targets I feel something about and express it my way.

I'd say pot has been a break-even proposition for me.

Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr.

When you're high, it's easy to kid yourself about how clever certain mediocre pieces of material are.

The ritual was very important to me: cleaning the pot, rolling the pot.

Anyone who's onstage is going to attract a certain number of misguided people. But I was never very interested in groupies.

I'm a believer that things happen. Fate is what happens.

I quit school in ninth grade, even though I was good at the studies. I knew I didn't need school for what I wanted.

If a drug has anything going for it at all, it should be self-limiting. It should tell you when you've had enough.

My father? My father left when I was quite young. Well actually, he was asked to leave. He had trouble metabolizing alcohol.

Did you ever look at your watch, and you look away... and you don't know what time it is?

On Thanksgiving, you realize you're living in a modern world. Millions of turkeys baste themselves in millions of ovens that clean themselves.

George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.

He is dead now, but he meant well.

Somehow I enjoy watching people suffer.

In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!

Who decides when the applause should die down? It seems like it's a group decision; everyone begins to say to themselves at the same time, "Well, okay, that's enough of that."

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.

Hitler never bothered with restaurant reservations; he just dropped by. And somehow they always found him a table.

As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.

Broadway isn't a very big career move. There's no money in it and it doesn't mean anything to your career. It's just a nice little jewel in the crown.

You ever notice that? Any time you see two groups of people who really hate each other, chances are good they're wearing different kind of hats. Keep an eye on that, it might be important.

Barry Goldwater has definitely decided to be a candidate in '64. He will campaign in all thirteen states.

I don't have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. I think that speaks for itself. The less said about it the better.

It's a "keep your fingers crossed" business, the entertainment business.

If a piece requires some specific inflection, I'll record it. I take a lot of notes, and later categorize them, combining them alongside existing ideas, and eventually put a piece together.

Mother's milk leads to everything.

In football the object is to march into enemy territory and cross his goal. In baseball the object is to go home.

Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game. Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.

You live eighty years, and at best you get about six minutes of pure magic.

Interesting form of murder we come up with: Assassination. We assassinate people who've told us to live together in harmony and try to love one another. Apparently we are not ready to live together.

Religion is sort of like a lift in your shoes. If it makes you feel better, fine. Just don't ask me to wear your shoes.

I loved the angiogram. They stick a thing in your thigh and it goes all the way up to your heart. Isn't that a thrill? Well, at least the nurse scored thigh.

I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind.

We are all precancerous.

I suspect there really was more to my accident than bad luck. I think it was God's way of punishing my nose.

I gravitated toward being a funny guy. I liked the radio comedians. I lived in the Golden Age of radio, and the Golden Age of television came along when I was still in my early teens.

Because Brenda [Carlin] had a drinking problem along with the coke, she had to hit bottom first. Most alcoholics do. And for her, bottom was an automobile accident that almost landed her in jail.

Being a Dodgers fan led to my first Air Force court-martial, but that's another story.

My father and mother separated when I was two months old.

First I was a mimic. Practically from the moment I began talking, I did impersonations of the people in my neighborhood - the storekeepers, the policemen, my teachers.

The patterns became even more vivid at Cardinal Hayes High School. That's when I began failing subjects and running away from home for days at a time.

Life is not that complicated.

Somebody once said that Hollywood is based on a lot of producers deliberately making bad movies, and every now and then somebody gets lucky.

I'm offering a special prize for the first Buick on the moon.