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I will either find a way or make one.
The mirrors in your mind can reflect the best of yourself, not the worst of someone else.
Many things which nature makes difficult become easy to the man who uses his brains.
If we cannot find a way, we will make one.
Perception is a tool that's pointed on both ends.
Killing must feel good to God too. He does it all the time. Did God feel good about that? He felt powerful.
It's not what you appreciate; it's that you appreciate.
Dogs keep a promise a person can't.
We will find a way or we shall make one
Words are living things. They have personality, point of view... agenda.
All good things to those who wait.
God has given to man no sharper spur to victory than contempt of death.
Nothing more isolating than a mental illness.
I have come not to make war on the Italians, but to aid the Italians against Rome.
Let us now relieve the Romans of their fears by the death of a feeble old man.
I never use a napkin on my lap at a restaurant...because I believe in myself.
When people go through something rough in life, they say, "I'm taking it one day at a time." Yes, so is everybody. Because that's how time works.
As a doctor I had no choice. As a philosopher I had too many.
I like burritos more than Jesus because steak burritos are delicious. And they're real.
We're like socks. You can put us through a rough wash once, but you'll never use us again.
I swear so soon as age will permit ... I will use fire and steel to arrest the destiny of Rome.
I applied for a job at Starbucks. One of the questions was, 'Why do you want to work at Starbucks?' Uh, because my life is in shambles.
I have weird aspirations. Like, I really want to kick a pigeon.
I want to just at least make it weird for you to watch Cosby Show reruns.
Don't thank the lord, I gave you that compliment... Thank me.
My nephew's always crying. I'm like, 'Dude, why are you crying? Your life is great. All you do is eat apple sauce and take dumps. That's your day.
I don't want to die before Will Smith 'cause then I miss that awesome 'Fresh Prince of Bel-Air' marathon.
Acting is fun; it's easier than writing, and if you get on a [TV] show, it draws people to your stand-up. That's ultimately what I'd like to do.
There have been times I've been out, and my phone battery is at nine percent, and I was like, 'Time to go home.'
Discourtesy is unspeakably ugly to me.
In my hometown of Chicago, I'm kind of a medium deal.
We evolved the ability to communicate disappointment to teach those around us good manners
As your mother tells you, and my mother certainly told me, it is important, she always used to say, always to try new things.
Your dreams were the one place you could be physically safe.
The mongoose I want under the stairs when the snakes slither by.
'SNL' is the first real job I've held for more than a month and a half.
I'm a dumb guy. My point of view is limited.
I was curious what would happen.
If you want to do anything, you got to go do it. Perform a lot, write a lot, make yourself better. Use the Internet, make videos, create content.
You want the scent? Smell yourself!
I'm not like a super duper sneaker head. I got a couple pairs, but I'm not a "stand in line for sneakers" type of dude.
When somebody mangles one of my jokes, that bothers me more than somebody saying that I'm the worst comedian ever.
I'd like to get more bit-acting roles. I don't know if my talent would allow for a long dialogue, but I could definitely knock out three lines.
I play myself on everything I do.
You put the life in your belly and you live.
I've been going up and bombing everywhere. It's great. I love it. It's hilarious.
I love stand-up. I look at it as a way to always stay productive. I couldn't imagine only being an actor or a writer. Because what the hell do I do when I'm not working? Mope?
Let us ease the Roman people of their continual care, who think it long to await the death of an old man.
The advantage of beating a mute is he can't tell on you.
My dad named me after Hannibal Barca, the Carthaginian general who attacked Rome. But nobody knows about him.