A humorist is a person who feels bad, but who feels good about it.

Moralizing and morals are two entirely different things and are always found in entirely different people

Babies are such a nice way to start people.

I had, out of my sixty teachers, a scant half dozen who couldn't have been supplanted by phonographs.

The brighter you are, the more you have to learn.

It takes a lot of things to prove you are smart, but only one thing to prove you are ignorant.

Unhappiness is not knowing what we want and killing ourselves to get it.

The beggar is the only person in the universe not obliged to study appearance.

In all systems of theology, the devil figures as a male person.

There's one thing about baldness, it's neat.

Don't ever slam a door, you might want to go back.

Rekindle the flame within the soul.

I love strong women, not only in life but in craft.

And what they dare to dream of, date to do.

The enemy isn't conservatism. The enemy isn't liberalism. The enemy is bulls**t.

Most Americans have so much crap, that you could lose most of it and still have way more stuff than the average Canadian.

It's interesting, because I tend to trust a man with big ears.

You cant censor peoples dreams.

I love hugging people. I still hug everybody in my meet-and-greet lines.

In 1968 the Arts Council managed to get a grant from the treasury to buy up a lot of derelict touring theatres and put them back in the hands of the local authorities.

One sin another doth provoke.