Ambrose Quotes
Book - Learning : The dunce's derisive term for all knowledge that transcends his own impertinent ignorance.
EXHORT, v.t. In religious affairs, to put the conscience of another upon the spit and roast it to a nut-brown discomfort.
PRICE, n. Value, plus a reasonable sum for the wear and tear of conscience in demanding it.
J, n. A consonant in English, but some nations use it as a vowel . . . from a Latin verb, "jacere", "to throw," because when a stone is thrown at a dog the dog's tail assumes that shape.
RITUALISM, n. A Dutch Garden of God where He may walk in rectilinear freedom, keeping off the grass.
THEOSOPHY, n. An ancient faith having all the certitude of religion and all the mystery of science.
IMMORAL, adj. Inexpedient. Whatever in the long run and with regard to the greater number of instances men find to be generally inexpedient comes to be considered wrong, wicked, immoral.
RETRIBUTION, n. A rain of fire-and-brimstone that falls alike upon the just and such of the unjust as have not procured shelter by evicting them.
ACCUSE, v.t. To affirm another's guilt or unworth; most commonly as a justification of ourselves for having wronged him.
INTENTION, n. The mind's sense of the prevalence of one set of influences over another set; an effect whose cause is the imminence, immediate or remote, of the performance of an involuntary act.
A malefactor who atones for making your writing nonsense by permitting the compositor to make it unintelligible.
REPRESENTATIVE, n. In national politics, a member of the Lower House in this world, and without discernible hope of promotion in the next.
RECOUNT, n. In American politics, another throw of the dice, accorded to the player against whom they are loaded.
PICKANINNY, n. The young of the "Procyanthropos", or "Americanus dominans". It is small, black and charged with political fatalities.
NOMINATE, v. To designate for the heaviest political assessment. To put forward a suitable person to incur the mudgobbling and deadcatting of the opposition.
ARENA, n. In politics, an imaginary rat-pit in which the statesman wrestles with his record.
A person of greater enterprise than discretion, who in embracing an opportunity has formed an unfortunate attachment.
I keep a conscience uncorrupted by religion, a judgment undimmed by politics and patriotism, a heart untainted by friendships and sentiments unsoured by animosities.
Loquacity, n. A disorder which renders the sufferer unable to curb his tongue when you wish to talk.
Miss, n. A title which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market.
A nutritious substance supplied by a bountiful Providence for the fattening of the poor.
BLANK-VERSE, n. Unrhymed iambic pentameters - the most difficult kind of English verse to write acceptably; a kind, therefore, much affected by those who cannot acceptably write any kind.
SARCOPHAGUS, n. Among the Greeks a coffin which being made of a certain kind of carnivorous stone, had the peculiar property of devouring the body placed in it.
Justice is a commodity which in a more or less adulterated condition the State sells to the citizen as a reward for his allegiance, taxes and personal service.
MACE, n. A staff of office signifying authority. Its form, that of a heavy club, indicates its original purpose and use in dissuading from dissent.
PLAGIARIZE, v. To take the thought or style of another writer whom one has never, never read.
A less popular name for the Second Person of that delectable newspaper Trinity, the Roomer, the Bedder, and the Mealer.
SERIAL, n. A literary work, usually a story that is not true, creeping through several issues of a newspaper or magazine.
QUEEN, n. A woman by whom the realm is ruled when there is a king, and through whom it is ruled when there is not.
Theology is a thing of unreason altogether, an edifice of assumptions and dreams, a superstructure without a substructure
PRESBYTERIAN, n. One who holds the conviction that the government authorities of the Church should be called presbyters.