Ambrose Quotes

POETRY, n. A form of expression peculiar to the Land beyond the Magazines.

MONSIGNOR- A high ecclesiastical title, of which the Founder of our religion overlooked the advantages.

Youth is Gilead, in which is balm for every wound.

OBSERVATORY, n. A place where astronomers conjecture away the guesses of their predecessors.

NOBLEMAN, n. Nature's provision for wealthy American minds ambitious to incur social distinction and suffer high life.

OPERA, n. A play representing life in another world, whose inhabitants have no speech but song, no motions but gestures and no postures but attitudes.

DIAPHRAGM, n. A muscular partition separating disorders of the chest from disorders of the bowels.

BODY-SNATCHER, n. A robber of grave-worms. One who supplies the young physicians with that with which the old physicians have supplied the undertaker.

When among the graves of thy fellows, walk with circumspection; thine own is open at thy feet.

APOTHECARY, n. The physician's accomplice, undertaker's benefactor and grave worm's provider

Confidante: One entrusted by A with the secrets of B confided to herself by C.

When you are ill make haste to forgive your enemies, for you may recover.

MISERICORDE, n. A dagger which in mediaeval warfare was used by the foot soldier to remind an unhorsed knight that he was mortal.

me, pro. The objectionable case of I. The personal pronoun in English has three cases, the dominative, the objectionable and the oppressive. Each is all three.

predilection, n. The preparatory stage of disillusion.

Women and foxes, being weak, are distinguished by superior tact.

Self-denial is indulgence of a propensity to forego.

SPOOKER, n. A writer whose imagination concerns itself with supernatural phenomena, especially in the doings of spooks.

ECCENTRICITY, n. A method of distinction so cheap that fools employ it to accentuate their incapacity.

SATIRE, n. An obsolete kind of literary composition in which the vices and follies of the author's enemies were expounded with imperfect tenderness.

applause, n. The echo of a platitude.

critic, n. A person who boasts himself hard to please because nobody tries to please him.

hybrid, n. A pooled issue.

pleasure, n. The least hateful form of dejection.

An auctioneer is a man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.

adherent, n. A follower who has not yet obtained all that he expects to get.

JOSS-STICKS- Small sticks burned by the Chinese in their pagan tomfoolery, in imitation of certain sacred rites of our holy religion.

Doubt begins only at the last frontiers of what is possible.

NOVEL, n. A short story padded.

HERMIT, n. A person whose vices and follies are not sociable.

GENEROUS, adj. Originally this word meant noble by birth and was rightly applied to a great multitude of persons. It now means noble by nature and is taking a bit of a rest.

Heaven lies about us in our infancy and the world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.

PLUNDER, v. To take the property of another without observing the decent and customary reticences of theft. To wrest the wealth of A from B and leave C lamenting a vanishing opportunity.

INJUSTICE, n. A burden which of all those that we load upon others and carry ourselves is lightest in the hands and heaviest upon the back.

A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced.

WHANGDEPOOTENAWAH, n. In the Ojibwa tongue, disaster; an unexpected affliction that strikes hard.

AFFLICTION, n. An acclimatizing process preparing the soul for another and bitter world.

Duck-bill, n. Your account at your restaurant during the canvas-back season.

SACRED, adj. Dedicated to some religious purpose; having a divine character; inspiring solemn thoughts or emotions; as... the Cow in India; the Crocodile, the Cat and the Onion of ancient Egypt.

PHYSICIAN, n. One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well.

POLICE, n. An armed force for protection and participation.

ADAGE, n. Boned wisdom for weak teeth.

OBLIVION, n. The state or condition in which the wicked cease from struggling and the dreary are at rest. Fame's eternal dumping ground.

Curiosity, n. An objectionable quality of the female mind. The desire to know whether or not a woman is cursed with curiosity is one of the most active and insatiable passions of the masculine soul.

Erudition - dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.

Genius - to know without having learned; to draw just conclusions from unknown premises; to discern the soul of things.

Nominee. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking the honorable obscurity of public office.

RUSSIAN, n. A person with a Caucasian body and a Mongolian soul. A Tartar Emetic.

Adolescence: A stage between infancy and adultery.

Appetite, n. An instinct thoughtfully implanted by Providence as a solution to the labor question.