Al David Quotes

Well, as you know, I'm really only happy when I'm on stage.

The only change I can really see is that I don't have to shop for pants in stores anymore.

I'm surprized Hitler didn't round up the toupee people.

Perhaps I have a wider range than I'd given myself credit for.

I'm Larry David. I happen to enjoy wearing women's panties.

I was very fortunate to hook up with Jerry in the first place. The network was already committed to doing something with him, so I skipped a couple of hundred steps right there.

Once I know people know who I am, it gives me a lot of licence and freedom to behave in ways I wouldn't normally.

The lunch in a normal American restaurant is very problematic for me. I don't like to have hot food for lunch.

I don't like people cleaning my room.

And eventually as I kept writing it, something emerged that was not quite me but a version of me.

If I wasn't a golfer, I would still be miserable - but not as miserable.

I couldn't walk up to a woman at a bar and say hello.

Obviously comedic styles do change.

I'm anti-cheese in a salad.

I don't think anyone really is interested in reading about my emotional state. It's not even interesting to me.

Let's not forget, I got divorced.

Most practical jokes, I'll feel too bad for the other person so I'll stop just before the punchline.

I never thought for a second that anything I ever did was going to make someone cringe. That never occurred to me.

I'm a walking, talking enigma. We're a dying breed.

I don't like to analyze my music too much. It just comes welling up out of the depths of my soul.

I'd much rather be on stage talking to a couple of retards for twenty bucks than sitting at my desk thinking up jokes for...well let's say a few dollars more.

I'm surprised sometimes at how some of my actions are misinterpreted.

I once stopped to pick up a girl, and then there was this creepy-looking guy standing behind the bushes waiting to jump out and get in, too. So I just quickly drove away.

A place to go - that's what my mother always instilled in me. You need a place to go. And you're worthless unless you have a place to go.

I think Michael Moore is a hero. I love him.

I'm not a person who embraces challenges. I run from challenges. I break world records running from challenges.

Start locally and build. Start small and grow. Start in your house, then move to your school, your book club, your gym, your church, your temple, your city.

Everything we know and love is at risk if we continue to ignore the warnings.

A great dinner must include not only yummy food, but good conversation.

I am so grateful for after-school snack time, when I light a candle, pour some tea, slice some apples, and get to listen in on my kids' highs and lows of the day.

A successful dinner is one that lasts a while and one where everyone leaves happy. It's a meal where we didn't just wolf food down, rather something else happened at the table. That is the goal.

Power rests in tranquillity.

Nothing bonds a group of people better when they are thrown into a situation where they have no idea what's going on and what's going to happen.

To get into the character you have to really use your imagination.

I am always going to be a theater actor at heart. One of my career goals is to do "Shakespeare in the Park" someday but for now I am really excited to get working on another movie.

I love live performance, but I am excited to try my hand at whatever comes my way.

Sin makes us moral quadriplegics.

We rarely do anything with on single motive.

As for jokes, I don't think it's necessarily that what I write is funny.

If by reaction you mean critical reaction, I was confident that we were putting out a quality book [ Treachery]. So I was reasonably sure that we'd get positive notices.

In terms of actual audience numbers, I honestly had no idea what to expect [with 'Treachery' ]. It was, after all, not a superhero title.

At conventions, one of the standard questions I get is, 'Are you writing any new novels?' To which I used to respond, in my smart-[alec] fashion, 'No, I've decided to write only old novels.'

And to all of you, what it really comes down to is: If you're buying a book with my name on it, I feel I owe it to you to have it be the best book that I can make it.

The typical computer network isn't like a house with windows, doors, and locks. It's more like a gauze tent encircled by a band of drunk teenagers with lit matches.

Read something that YOU want to read, not something that you feel compelled to read.

Happiness is the best adventure on earth.

Try writing...a list, a letter, a journal, a novel, a declaration.

Say a thing well and it will be remembered-and so too will you.

Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala Is Not An Economist, She Is A Demographer

I think I have between twenty and thirty commercials playing at present.