You know, last night it was so cold that my pillow and my sheets fought to see who got under the blankets first.

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.

Live by this credo: have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations.

I personally believe that each of us was put here for a purpose -- to build not to destroy. If I can make people smile, then I have served my purpose for God.

There are three signs of old age: loss of memory ... I forget the other two.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always

Exercise? I get it on the golf course. When I see my friends collapse, I run for the paramedics.

Old age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

I personally believe we were put here to build and not to destroy.

Today's comics use four-letter words as a shortcut to thinking. They're shooting for that big laugh and it becomes a panic thing, using four-letter words to shock people.

Make sure you date someone who always makes you want to dance, with or without music.

Paul and Lori had cuddled the rest of the night in her bed after showering. He decided that if they didn't mate soon, he wasn't going to last. How would it sound for an alpha SEAL wolf to beg?

...and they all lived as happily as they allowed themselves to be.

These are nonviolent people who have lost their freedom simply because they expressed their ideas….In truth, they are heroes of our time.

You get into the habit of being angry and hurt by life, and then when something good happens you can't accept it because it doesn't fit the pattern.

It is not a move, even the best move that you must seek, but a realizable plan

A woman's pity, which is talkative, carries the sick person's bed to the public marketplace.

I think the National Football League needs a new union. The heavyweights of this union are not heavyweights enough.

Nobody notices your sorrow, your pain, but everyone notices your mistakes.

...And Sunday's the one day I rest, give thanks, and bless.