We never talked to each other in my family. We communicated by putting Ann Landers articles on the refrigerator.

My doctor said I had OCD. I couldn't believe it. I had to call him nine times to make sure.

If you're going to hit a car, try to be sure that it's not a cop car

Comedy is the most palliative way to make a point. People are more willing to listen if they can laugh.

The first time I did stand-up was on a dare.

What if obese people couldn't get married?

Joan Rivers broke down barriers, advocated for free speech, and never apologized for who she was.

Halloween is an opportunity to be really creative.

I have a nice little house in LA. Well, the bedroom is nice. I have French doors in the bedroom. They don't open unless I lick them.

For me, humor is everything!

Mother humor is such a universal theme. I wrote a show called '25 Questions for a Jewish Mother.' I had people coming up to me after the show saying, 'I'm Baptist, and my mother is just like yours.'

We’ve learned that sometimes a lack of conflict in a marriage means you are not fighting for it. There are times you must battle to become one.

And you… do you know what you are?”“Stupid?”“Beautiful, ” he says, his face turning red.

Solve this, pink-haired lady.

As well be hanged for a sheep as a lamb.

When the situation is desperate, it is too late to be serious. Be playful.

Memory as an inversion of historical time is the essence of interiority.

Through true honestydeeply believethat all sentient-beings are one.That all beings have the sametrue nature,wisdom,virtue.

The world is divided up into two kinds of people - those who look at their body waste in the toilet bowl, and those who don't.

Mission is both the announcement and the demonstration of the reign of God through Christ.

Every single person wants to do it, don't hate me because I had the guts to follow my heart!