Two things that are not long for this world: dogs that chase cars and professional golfers who putt for pars.

My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch.

Pressure is playing for ten dollars when you don't have a dime in your pocket.

Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.

You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.

I'm going to win so much money this year, my caddie will make the top twenty money-winners list.

The older I get, the better I used to be.

You're Mexican until you make money and then you're Spanish.

I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.

If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.

There are two things you can do with your head down - play golf and pray.

Why should any guy want to be only friends with a girl? It’s like agreeing to be near a chocolate cake and never eat it. It’s like sitting in a racing car but not driving it.

Fame is like a river, that beareth up things light and swollen, and drowns things weighty and solid.

Your life is not going to be easy, and it should not be easy. It ought to be hard. It ought to be radical; it ought to be restless; it ought to lead you to places you'd rather not go.

I can't just be the girl who sang 'I Kissed a Girl.' I have to leave a legacy.

The most dangerous lechers and creeps are not drunks wearing rags on the street, but respectable men wearing hairspray, pinstripes, and wedding rings who lurk in the halls of power.

I think someone's sexual orientation is great fodder for gossip. But again, it's non-news to me or anyone who knows me.

What can I contribute that will significantly affect the performance and the results of the institution I serve?

Young Americans must never again be sent to fight and die unless we are prepared to let them win.

A good soldier never leaves a man behind.

One decision can change your life forever.