This is a pretty shitty flash mob. It's in my living room, only my family showed up, and they're just telling me to stop drinking.

Men are like parking spots: sometimes I drive my car into them

Why do we 'drive' on a 'parkway' but 'park' at a 'strip club'?

I think very long and hard about every possibly offensive joke I want to make. I really hate mean humor and would hate to make anyone reading my jokes feel truly bad.

Identifying someone by his, or her, outward appearance is often the first and most common error in the world

The sea, the sea, the sea. It rolled and rolled and called to me. Come in, it said, come in.

If music is frozen architecture, then the potpourri is frozen coffee-table gossip... Potpourri is the art of adding apples to pears.

Everyone's a little nothing.

It was said of Miss Letitia that when money came into her possession it went out of circulation.

Life can seem rather unreal at times. Alive and well and loving one day. No longer there the next.

Art is a personal act of courage.

My history is really playing live - not writing or recording.

Real children do not go hoppity skip unless they are on drugs.

There was no script, but I said, 'I'm in, regardless' and was committed to Legends before I saw a single page.It was a lovely surprise to find so much meat on the bone.