There's some benefit to being happy in your life. Of looking around and saying, 'This is mine.

There's a difference... between the kind of woman you would bang and the kind of woman you would marry.

There really is no Johnny Carson anymore. There is no one place a comedian can appear and explode.

When I saw houses in Palmdale going for $500K, I knew something was wrong. If you got foreclosed, I don't feel sorry for you!

Are men shallow? Should we be looking for inner beauty? Ha, ha.

I don't just preach; I put my money where my mouth is!

I wanted to see if you could put a prototype radio station on the Internet so you wouldnt have to invest $50 million or $100 million or $150 million to buy a transmitter and a frequency.

To be thoroughly conversant with Man’s heart, is to take our final lesson in the iron-clasped volume of Despair

I would rather feel the hurt inside, yes I would darling, than know the emptiness that your heart must hide.

The priest is an immense being because he makes the crowd believe astonishing things.

Oft a little morning rain Foretells a pleasant day.

Until you announce me as the #1 contender for the WWE Championship, I suggest you watch me make snow angels.

Providing for one's family as a good husband and father is a water-tight excuse for making money hand over fist.

Of all the actions of a man's life, his marriage does least concern other people, yet of all the actions of our lives, 'tis the most meddled with by other people.

Fun is carefree. I am not carefree.

I shall now recall to mind that the motion of the heavenly bodies is circular, since the motion appropriate to a sphere is rotation in a circle.

A lot of times, we censor ourselves before the censor even gets there.