The trouble with having a stubbornness contest with your kids is that they have your stubbornness gene.

Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.

Cherish the friend who tells you a harsh truth, wanting ten times more to tell you a loving lie.

You can spend too much time wondering which of identical twins is the more alike.

What greater blessing to give thanks for at a family gathering than the family and the gathering.

Ever wonder what crime you committed that you are confined to a small enclosure above your sinuses, under permanent skull arrest?

If minutes were kept of a family gathering, they would show that "Members not Present" and "Subjects Discussed" were one and the same.

It finally happened. I got the GPS lady so confused, she said, "In one-quarter mile, make a legal stop and ask directions.

For the most part, we carnivores do not eat other carnivores. We prefer to eat our vegetarian friends.

On a windswept hill by a billowing sea, my destiny sits and waits for me.

It is not that love is blind. It is that love sees with a painter's eye, finding the essence that renders all else background.

We may not have the power to change, but we have the power to move.

If you were my child, I would staple you to your bedroom wall.

I am proud to say that I am not in it for the money. If I made a million dollars, I would donate most of it to various charities and libraries.

And then the second thing you have to do is go and see your son. That is a duty of love, Andrew. It's as simple as that. A duty of love. Do you understand what I'm saying to you?

Romance is the douche of the bourgeoisie.

Why must all of the operations in life be performed without an anesthetic?

I hate smoking sections. Unless we're talking about the movie 'The Mask' with Jim Carrey. Then the smoking section is my favorite part.

For me alone Don Quixote was born and I for him. His was the power of action, mine of writing.

Beaver do better work than the Corps of Engineers.

I guess you need days off, but I just didn't want them.