The only certainty life contains is death.

When life doesn't meet your expectations, it was important to take it with grace.

Fear makes idiots out of us all, at some time or other.

Over a lifetime of dealing with difficult women, I have learned it is often better to give into their demands immediately.

Don't make light of any man's pain.

A man learns with age, if he is lucky.

Yes -- or rather, it's not so much that I want to die as that I'm tired of living.

Every season has its peaks and valleys. What you have to try to do is eliminate the Grand Canyon.

To read a book is to hold an entire world in the palm of your hand. That world is unique to you; no two readers can ever inhabit the same world

Canadian bacon isn't bacon. It's ham.

Of course Evil's afoot. If it had switched to the metric system it'd be up to a meter by now.

It is my absolute intent to hold the line on taxes.

Life is not black and white. The closes we ever get to either of those colors is wearing them.

It is decidedly not true that 'nice guys finish last'.

How high does a sycamore grow? If you cut it down, then you’ll never know.

I'm such a weirdo. I'm animal-mad, so my ideal date would probably be something involving going to see animals.