The mugger who is arrested is back on the street before the police officer, but the person mugged may not be back on the street for a long time, if ever.

People expect Byzantine, Machiavellian logic from politicians. But the truth is simple. Trial lawyers learn a good rule: 'Don't decide what you don't have to decide.' That's not evasion, it's wisdom.

You want calamities? What about the Ice Age? God made this world, but didn't complete it.

There are only two rules for being successful. One, figure out exactly what you want to do, and two, do it.

For me to make lasagna would be a desecration of a great Italian dish. . . . I don't mess with sacred things.

The Republicans believe that the wagon train will not make it to the frontier unless some of the old, some of the young, some of the weak are left behind.

There are few things more amusing in the world of politics than watching moderate Republicans charging to the right in pursuit of greater glory.

I talk and talk and talk, and I haven't taught people in 50 years what my father taught by example in one week.

Every time I've done something that doesn't feel right, it's ended up not being right.

The American people need no course in philosophy or political science or church history to know that God should not be made into a celestial party chairman.

A judge can manipulate the law. A smart lawyer can keep a killer out of jail.

Enough madness? Enough? And how do you measure madness? - The Joker

Better to starve free than be a fat slave

The monument of a great man is not of granite or marble or bronze. It consists of his goodness, his deeds, his love and his compassion.

One main factor in the upward trend of animal life has been the power of wandering.

I think the Romans must have aggravated one another very much, with their noses. Perhaps, they became the restless people they were, in consequence.

The pleasure of jogging and running is rather like that of wearing a fur coat in Texas in August: the true joy comes in being able to take the damn thing off.

The advice I will give my children, if and when they have Olympic aspirations, will be to go for it.

I predict the future of this earthly human race is that having made a mess of Earth they'll move to outer space.

Remember, Team, surrender the me for the we.