The goal of almost every comic is to find a comedy voice - a specific point of view that an audience can latch onto.

We're not in an information age anymore. We're in the information management age.

Nerds get caught up in minutiae, because there is a tremendous and fulfilling sense of control in understanding every single detail of a thing more than any other living creature.

Bowling is all physics and energy distribution. It's F = ma. So it is actually one of the most science-y sports, because it literally is just a ball and a surface and objects to knock down.

When you hang around a lot of comedians long enough, you realize there's a certain gene, in every comedian. It's why we get hyper-analytical about things.

I do seem like the kind of guy who'd be obsessive about Rubik's Cubes.

No matter what tricks you use or what decisions you make, go easy on yourself as someone who's on a never-ending quest for improvement.

Steal moments of happiness if you have to, and then collect them until they are the dominant images in your psyche.

I almost think of nerd brains as rattlesnake venom; like, you can milk it. You can milk the pulpy venom out of the nerd brain and use it for good if you want to.

Humans cannot produce viable offspring with our closest animal cousin: the chimpanzee. We cannot impregnate a chimp. So you know what that means? No condoms.

I've gone from being bullied by jocks as a kid to being bullied by nerds as an adult.

When we finally become present in our lives its as if we are seeing things for the first time.

But shame is like a wound that is never exposed and therefore never heals.

What I can and cannot imagine is a psychological fact about me. It is not a deep metaphysical fact about the nature of the universe.

Rain could show up at your door and teach you how to dance.

Prowling about the rooms, sitting down, getting up, stirring the fire, looking out the window, teasing my hair, sitting down to write, writing nothing, writing something and tearing it up...

Don't just sit there. Go do something and don't expect that it's going to be fun unless you make it fun. You have got to work on things. That is when you are happy.

For playing a man to a square to which it cannot be legally moved, the adversary, at his option, may require him to move the man legally, or to move the King.

Only what I am not giving can be lacking in any situation.

Art for art's sake, and creation for creation's sake, and love for love's sake

This is the result of six billion years of evolution. Tonight, we have given the lie to gravity.We have reached for the stars.