The first kiss is stolen by the man; the last is begged by the woman.

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.

On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.

The demagogue is one who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue to men he knows to be idiots.

The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.

Morality is doing what is right, no matter what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told, no matter what is right.

Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.

The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.

It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.

Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.

To have the spirit of youth and the wisdom from age. Is to have used the eternal fountain of life within our very souls. Not for an instant but for a lifetime. Amen.

Biological harm from electromagnetic interference (EMI) is the dirty secret of the electrical, electronics and wireless radio frequency (RF) radiation industries.

House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad.

Remember, it is not about luck. It is about doing the right things the right way.

Vengeance fixes your attention on life's ugliest moments. Is this where you want to look? Remember: God dispenses perfect justice.

I think Jesus was a bit more of a fun guy. I'd like to play Him like maybe some days He doesn't fancy it, being God. Some days He's miracled-out and just wants to go have a smoke.

To refuse to accept the call of your best life is to insult the force that created you.

The Web does not just connect machines, it connects people.

We must force the government to stop the bird migration. We must shoot all birds, field all our men and troops... and force migratory birds to stay where they are.

Tutankhamun was not black, and the portrayal of ancient Egyptian civilization as black has no element of truth to it.