The final test of fame is to have a crazy person imagine he is you.

My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives.

As long as the world is turning and spinning, we're gonna be dizzy and we're gonna make mistakes.

I've been accused of vulgarity. I say that's bullshit.

If you stand on a soapbox and trade rhetoric with a dictator you never win.

Hope for the Best. Expect the worst. Life is a play. We're unrehearsed.

Life literally abounds in comedy if you just look around you.

If presidents can't do it to their wives, they do it to their country.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

I don't know what to say so I'll just say what's in my heart...badoom, badoom, badoom.

The kind of soil in your area determines the type of crop you will plant to harvest

They said her duck recipe and the Chinese music were so dramatic everything else sounded anemic.

The Argument from Intimidation is a confession of intellectual impotence.

If you focus on the flaws of others it takes away from the improvements that you may need to make.

To humiliate and be humiliated, I think, is a crucial element in our whole social structure. It's not only the artist I'm sorry for. It's just that I know exactly where he feels most humiliated.

Such is the life of a man. Moments of joy, obliterated by unforgettable sadness. There's no need to tell the children that.

You may feel a tugging sensation near your ankles.

I think it's possible to realize you love someone as deeply as you know how to love and not end up spending the rest of your life with him.

Real devotion is an unbroken receptivity to the truth. Real devotion is rooted in an awed and reverent gratitude, but one that is lucid, grounded, and intelligent.

What am I afraid of? The IRS. Thats it. I dont want those people knockin on my door, man.