The favorite to win the Olympic gold medal in archery is a legally blind athlete from South Korea, mainly because everyone else is too scared to compete next to him.

Don't keep reaching for the stars because you'll just look like an idiot stretching that way for no reason.

Thank you, people who say 'Wow, you're really photogenic,' for not saying what you really mean: 'Wow, you're really ugly in person.'

Thank you... fantasy football draft, for letting me know that even in my fantasies, I am bad at sports.

In New York, there are so many potholes, they're like craters on the moon. That's another traffic thing.

The man who invented Doritos has passed away at the age of 97. He asked to be buried with the creator of Fritos and Cheetos in a variety pack.

I just really don't like being the center of attention that much. It's kind of ironic.

If you're a sports fan you realize that when you meet somebody, like a girlfriend, they kind of have to root for your team. They don't have a choice.

I know what you want. And I know what you need. But I'm gonna screw it up, yeah, cause I'm an idiot. And I'm your boyfriend.

Researches at Yale found a connection between brain cancer and work environment. The No. 1 most dangerous job for developing brain cancer? Plutonium hat model.

I don't shoot guns. I don't know how to do that. I grew Upstate New York, so I fought with my fists.

Dogs speak words, but only poets and children Hear.

We only get one life. Wasting someone’s time is the subtlest form of murder.

Were the seeds of next things always there, in the circle of the year, and was that how the world worked its miracles?

Breakups are a horrible thing for almost everybody I know. For someone who is a love addict, it's debilitating.

Women must be full partners in development, so they can lift themselves and their communities out of poverty.

If you want the perfect plan that God has for your life, you will have to go by way of Calvary to get it.

Life with God is not immunity from difficulties, but peace in difficulties.

The skeletons of the plants are for me as important as the flowers.

Is it not obvious that Britain, under the regime of Tony Blair, has ceased to respect the Charter of the United Nations?

Anyway, seeking work is a tad difficult given the poor design of the streets with their prohibitive curbs and driveways that don't quite line up.