The drug lord is on the run. His name is El Chapo. Donald Trump is in a Twitter feud with this Mexican drug lord. It's historic - the first time Americans have ever sided with a Mexican drug lord.

Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'

If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.

A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy but they prefer to watch you die.

I have an abacus at home.

A new presidential poll reveals that Democrats have the edge among voters under 30. The good news for Republicans is that there's only six people under 30 who actually vote.

Ukraine announced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear disaster site, to tourists. They say it's just like Disneyland, except the 6-foot mouse is real.

Santa will be showing up with Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer.

After making insulting remarks about Mexicans, Donald Trump has been kicked off of NBC and Univision. On the bright side, Trump's hair has a new show on Animal Planet.

Film is the ultimate canvas, the elixir of art, and the magic of life.

Even the false accusations of a person of dubious morality can taint the reputation of an upright servant.

Happiness lies not in the mere possession of money; it lies in the joy of achievement, in the thrill of creative effort.

A man's real belief is that which he lives by. What a man believes is the thing he does, not the thing he thinks.

I knew I could do it all this time,” said Harry, “Because I'd already done it... does that make sense?

Let's all be different same as me.

If Plutarch is the essayist I want to believe he is, he would want us all to sit in his chair.

If only I had an enemy bigger than my apathy I could've won.

It's (Phil Niekro's knuckleball) like watching Mario Andretti park a car.

There's nothing better than going out there and performing and making that connection with audiences. Even after all this time I get the biggest buzz from that.