The best way to become a successful writer is to read good writing, remember it, and then forget where you remember it from.

Writing is easy. All you do is stare at a blank sheet of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead.

What is success? It is a toy balloon among children armed with pins.

Men are not against you, they are merely for themselves.

An editor should have a pimp for a brother so he'd have someone to look up to.

Every man should be allowed to love two cities, his own and San Francisco

A book is never finished; it's abandoned.

He has a profound respect for old age. Especially when it's bottled.

Sometimes I think my writing sounds like I walked out of the room and left the typewriter running.

News is history shot on the wing. The huntsmen from the Fourth Estate seek to bag only the peacock or the eagle of the swifting day.

A man who makes a one-dollar profit on his expense account is dishonest. A man who loses five cents on one is a damned fool.

I wish I had a dollar for every hour I've spent in the library, " he always says. I have to agree- we'd probably never have to worry about money again.

I sort of liked the sound of bones breaking. It was like home.

When someone offends you, you can raise your spirits to heights where offenses cannot reach.

Spread your ear pollution far and wide.

When a kid can understand that a word can mean two things, there's some real thinking going on. They have a vested interest in finding out what a word means, because it's the punch line to a joke.

America is a place where we all come together. It is a place of consensus.

I didn't want to be either the cre'me de la cre'me or a martyr. I'd rather be a novelty, especially in a democracy that doesn't understand the language I write in.

You have to believe that you can act and that you're the right person for the job but I think it's good to not always know how you're going to do it. The fun part is trying to figure it out.

From your first day at school you are cut off from life to make theories.

I'm perfectly fine now if I never went on stage again.