That's why so many stars are making pictures in Europe today. The tax guys are making thieves out of everybody.

You never heard of a comedy team that didn't fight, did you?

Now, on the St. Louis team we have Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third...

Well, I always had a chauffer, because I have never driven a car in my life. I still can't drive.

It gets boring at home. How many reruns of Abbott and Costello movies can a guy watch on TV?

Sitting at home the way I do, I'd just love the hear from people. It'd be a great help in passing the time.

They liked me so long as the liquor flowed at my house, but I haven't seen any of them around lately.

It gets so boring at home. After all, how many reruns of Abbott and Costello movies can a guy watch on television?

You say I started out with practically nothing, but that isn't correct. We all start with all there is, it's how we use it that makes things possible.

Most of the people could be good at something specific, but they probably never discover what it is.

I put fear into the eyes of a member of the Mafia. I’m doing well, she thought, now keep him scared.

It is time we learnt that a terrorist is no man's friend and everyman's enemy.

I am glad to see the wheels are moving at last toward comprehensive immigration reform after last year's election. I am glad that immigrants are speaking up.

With comedies, I like to be a producer, because comedies can get corny and go off track real fast.

She hardly knew how to suppose that she could be an object of admiration to so great a man.

Maturity begins on the day we accept responsibility for our own actions.

She's television generation. She learned life from Bugs Bunny. The only reality she knows comes to her through the television set.